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RUSSIA STILL PRETTY CONFIDENT IT CAN TELL UKRAINE WHAT TO DO IN ITS OWN COUNTRY

Moscow, Russia – No one has really disputed that Russia should be a little interested in what is happening in Ukraine, keeping in mind that the country takes up a large chunk of Russia’s border and any kind of serious unrest would, you know, cause trouble for them.

TOP STORIES

U.S. AND RUSSIAN OFFICIALS SURE THE OTHER GUY IS TO BLAME FOR FAILING PEACE EFFORTS IN UKRAINE

 

KEVIN DURANT LIFTS THUNDER TO SECOND PLACE FINISH DESPITE DREAM ABOUT BEING HALF DONKEY
NEWARK MAN NOT SURE EASTER THE BEST TIME TO SURPRISE FAMILY WITH SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
KNICKS TO DECIDE BY NEXT WEEK WHETHER OR NOT THEY WILL STICK A PUMP INTO MIKE WOODSON TO SEE IF HE WILL BURST
COOL PARENTS HOPING SON HAS GREAT TIME AND MAYBE MEETS A CELEBRITY OR TWO AT COACHELLA

NEWS

UKRAINIAN LEADERS PROPOSE CONSTITUTIONAL CHANGE TO SEE IF THAT SHUTS PEOPLE UP

UKRAINE TRUCE COLLAPSES AFTER REBELS DECIDE THEY AREN’T GOING TO GIVE UP JUST LIKE THAT

THAT FANCY PROBE THEY HAVE STILL NOT TURNING UP MISSING PLANE

SYRIA SETS DATE FOR PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION TO ALLOW EVERYONE TO HAVE A VOICE IN THE FUTURE OF THE NATION

NEWS

ROBOT SUB HAVING ABOUT AS MUCH LUCK AS US HUMANS IN HUNT FOR MISSING PLANE

UKRAINE ENDS EASTER TRUCE IN PRETTY MUCH THE MOST DECISIVE WAY POSSIBLE

EVERYONE BUT THE PEOPLE CAUSING TROUBLE AGREE ON DEAL TO HALT TROUBLE IN UKRAINE

KIEV GETS SUPPORT FROM JOE BIDEN AND THAT SHOULD REALLY BE ENOUGH FOR ANYONE

NEWS

FAMILIES OF DEAD ON SUNKEN SOUTH KOREAN FERRY UPSET ABOUT SLOW GOVERNMENT RESPONSE AND REALLY THE WHOLE THING

WEST CRITICISES SYRIAN ELECTION PLAN BUT THEN THEY WOULD WOULDN’T THEY

DEADLY GUN ATTACK IN EASTERN UKRAINE CERTAINLY NOT HELPING WITH EASTER TRUCE

ON THE AIR

CUP OF JOE
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CHRIS BROWN TO BE KEPT IN JAIL AND SAFE FROM HIMSELF UNTIL AT LEAST JUNE
OLIVIA WILDE POPS OUT THAT BABY BUT IT WILL STILL BE AWHILE BEFORE SHE IS READY AGAIN
JODIE FOSTER GETS MARRIED TO A GIRL OF ALL THINGS
F1 BOSS ECCLESTONE DENIES BRIBERY DURING TRIAL WHICH WAS TO BE EXPECTED
UKRAINE KILLS A COUPLE BAD GUYS AND RUSSIA IS NOT HAPPY AT ALL ABOUT IT
SOUTH SUDANESE REBELS SAY THEY ARE CLOSE TO OIL FIELDS LIKE THAT IS A SOURCE OF PRIDE OR SOMETHING
TURKISH PRIME MINISTER COMES AS CLOSE TO ADMITTING ARMENIAN GENOCIDE AS HE IS LIKELY TO EVER GET
OBAMA PLEDGES ALL THE SUPPORT IN THE WORLD FOR JAPAN OVER SILLY LITTLE ISLAND DISPUTE
THE WHITE HOUSE SURE DOESN’T LIKE SLAUGHTER IN SOUTH SUDAN SO TAKE THAT GUYS
THE U.S. STILL NOT REALLY ALL THAT SURE ABOUT WHAT TO DO ABOUT SYRIA’S CHLORINE GAS AND STUFF
FAMILY OF OSCAR PISTORIUS DENIES THAT HE TOOK ACTING LESSONS BEFORE TRIAL, HE IS JUST A NATURAL
CUBA GOODING JR GETTING DIVORCED BUT AT LEAST HE HAS HIS CAREER TO FALL BACK ON
SCIENTISTS EXPLORING MIND READING AS A REAL THING BECAUSE THEY HAVE THE FUNDING