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UN OFFICIALS HAIL OBAMA DRONE POSITION BECAUSE, WELL, THEY COULD BE NEXT IF THEY SAY OTHERWISE

Washington, D.C. – When any new military technology comes around we, collectively, have to make an assessment about how it will be used. Typically those rules only come about once the device has been used, at least once, and we have been able to see the destructive impact that it possesses.
TOP STORIES

ERIC HOLDER MAY HAVE APPROVED INVESTIGATION OF FOX REPORTER UNLESS SOMEONE ELSE CAN BE BLAMED

GERMANY VOTED THE MOST POPULAR COUNTRY IN THE WORLD WHICH IS THE FIRST PART OF THEIR PLAN

 

AFTER CENTURIES OF AVOIDING THE ISSUE, GOD JUST DECIDES TO ALLOW ATHEISTS INTO HEAVEN

PRESIDENT OBAMA TO OUTLINE DRONE POLICY AS ANYTHING HE DAMN WELL PLEASES

REESE WITHERSPOON SPENDS ALL OF THURSDAY MORNING COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY SOBER

BOY SCOUTS OF AMERICA ALLOW GAY MEMBERS IN ATTEMPT TO BECOME COOL AGAIN

ERIC HOLDER JUST WAITING FOR THE CHANCE TO SLAM THE MIC DOWN AND STORM OUT OF HOUSE HEARINGS
NATION OF ICELAND MAY ENTER THE EUROPEAN UNION IN DESPERATE PLEA FOR ATTENTION
MAN WHO PLAYED DEFENSIVE BACK ALL THROUGH HIGH SCHOOL SUPPORTS 18-GAME NFL SEASON
GAMER ADMITS HE WILL BUY XBOX ONE ON LAUNCH DAY DESPITE THE EXTREME DISAPPOINTMENT IT WILL BRING HIM
NINTENDO THRILLED XBOX ONE TAKING ALL THE ATTENTION AWAY FROM THEIR FAILURES

NEWS

JAPAN FINALLY DECIDES THAT PERHAPS CHILD ABDUCTION IS NOT OKAY

MICHELLE OBAMA PLANNING EXTENDED VACATION FROM DOING NOTHING ALL DAY

FEW SEEING THE UPSIDE TO DOZENS KILLED IN OKLAHOMA TORNADO

MASS CAR BOMBINGS KILL DOZENS IN IRAQ WHICH IS BAD EVEN FOR THEM

 

NEWS

TERRIFYING LONDON TERROR ATTACK, OR WHATEVER IT WAS, PROBABLY WON’T LEAD TO ANYTHING

RUSSIA JUST GOES AHEAD AND STARTS BUILDING AUTONOMOUS KILLER ROBOTS

JAPAN GOES AHEAD AND RUINS EVERYONE’S STOCK MARKET SUCCESS

INDIA AND CHINA SIGN A DEAL TO PREVENT THEM FROM EVER FIGHTING A WAR, EVER

 

NEWS

CANNES ATTENDEES NOT SURE WHAT THEY’RE PAYING FOR THE WAY THEY ARE BEING ROBBED

BRITAIN MAY NOT HAVE AUTISTIC KIDS BUT MAN DO THEY HAVE THE MEASLES

ICELAND VOLCANO STUDY PROJECT SEEKS TO STOP FUTURE ERUPTIONS FROM EVER HAPPENING AGAIN

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NEWS BRIEFS
U.K. OFFICIALS ARREST TWO MEN ON PAKISTANI PLANE FOR WHAT WILL PROBABLY TURN OUT TO NOT BE A BIG DEAL
RUSSIA TO EVACUATE ARCTIC STATION AND ABANDON ALL HOPE OF EVER CONQUERING THE REGION AGAIN
SUICIDE BOMBERS WASTE LIVES AND BOMBS HITTING BARRACKS AND MINES IN NIGER
SYRIA TO ATTEND PEACE CONFERENCE IN GENEVA IN TOTALLY NON-IRONIC WAY
AMANDA BYNES STARTS HER LONG WEEKEND OFF WITH A POT ARREST
L.A. MAYOR SHOWS WHAT RUNNING L.A. FOR EIGHT YEARS GETS YOU, NOTHING
NASA TO LEASE SHUTTLE LAUNCH PAD FOR WEDDINGS, BAR MITZVAHS, AND OTHER SPECIAL EVENTS
STEVE NASH OFFICIALLY BANS EX-WIFE FROM THE GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA
AMANDA BYNES NOT EVEN WELCOME ON PLANES ANYMORE
HOOTIE PLANNING ANNIVERSARY TOUR FOR CRACKED REAR VIEW AND THE HANDFUL OF PEOPLE WHO STILL CARE
ECUADOR MAY BE ABOUT TO LOSE ITS SATELLITE AND ECUADOR HAS A SATELLITE
TWITTER DECIDES THAT PERHAPS INCREASED SECURITY IS NEEDED
CONGO AND REBELS AGREE TO STOP FIGHTING WHILE BAN KI-MOON VISITS BUT ONLY FOR THAT