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ISRAEL GIVES A LITTLE BIT OF WARNING BEFORE DESTROYING APARTMENT BUILDING AND OTHER STUFF

Jerusalem, Israel – Though they have received absolutely no repercussions over any of what they have done the last little while, Israel is starting to feel some pressure over the massive death toll in Gaza, it seems, or at least has become aware that some people are not thrilled that so many have died.

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MH17 INVESTIGATORS FINALLY GET TO WORK FINDING OUT WHAT THEY ALREADY KNOW

 

POLICE OFFICIALS IN ALABAMA POINT OUT THEY HAVE NOT KILLED AN UNARMED BLACK TEEN IN YEARS NOW
HILLARY CLINTON PRESIDENCY BID MAY RELY ON SUCCESS OF FAILURE OR NEW YOUNG ADULT NOVEL
ISRAEL ADMITS PEACE TALKS BROKE DOWN IN PART BECAUSE SOMEONE REFUSED TO SHOWER
IOWA MAN SPENDS NIGHT RESEARCHING CONFLICT IN CENTRAL AFRICAN REPUBLIC IN EFFORT TO IMPRESS CO-WORKERS AT LUNCH

NEWS

SOLDIERS KILLED IN UKRAINE WHICH IS GOING TO HAPPEN WHEN YOU FIGHT IN A WAR

DUTCH EXPERTS EXAMINE MH17 CRASH VICTIMS TO DISCOVER EXACTLY WHAT THEY THOUGHT

ISRAEL GOES AHEAD WITH GAZA CEASEFIRE, KINDA

EU OFFICIALS REACH A VERY BASIC AGREEMENT ON POSSIBLE RUSSIAN SANCTIONS

NEWS

GAZA TRUCE LASTS LONG ENOUGH PEOPLE ARE NOW WILLING TO ACTUALLY START TALKING ABOUT PEACE

FIGHTING IN GAZA CALMS DOWN A LITTLE WHICH IS SOMETHING PEOPLE CAN BE HAPPY ABOUT

UN SAYS ISRAEL MAY HAVE COMMITTED WAR CRIMES IN GAZA BUT OF COURSE WILL NOT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT

WHO SAYS EBOLA OUTBREAK VASTLY UNDERESTIMATED, THAT THEY HAVE VASTLY UNDERESTIMATED IT, THEY JUST HAVE NO IDEA NOW

NEWS

IRAQI GOVERNMENT ACTUALLY DOING SOMETHING PRETTY EFFECTIVE AGAINST INSURGENTS

ISRAEL ADMITS ROCKET ATTACKS MAKING PEACE TALKS A LITTLE DIFFICULT

A BUNCH OF UKRAINIAN SOLDIERS JOIN THE RUSSIAN SIDE OR SOMETHING, NOT SURE EXACTLY

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FBI TO INVESTIGATE WHY CELEBRITIES ARE STILL SO STUPID THEY TAKE NUDE PICTURES OF THEMSELVES
U.S. OFFICIALS READY AND EVEN A LITTLE EAGER TO STRIKE SYRIA NOW
TEXANS SIGN J.J. WATT TO MASSIVE DEAL BECAUSE THEY AT LEAST WANT TO KEEP HIM
PUTIN AGREES TO TALKS ON STATEHOOD FOR EASTERN UKRAINE WHICH NO ONE SEEMS TO WANT
ICELAND ISSUES NEW WARNING ON VOLCANIC ERUPTION BECAUSE THEY JUST CAN’T DECIDE
IRAQI FORCES BREAK ISIL SIEGE ON ONE TOWN, JUST ONE, WHICH IS AT LEAST A START
EU THREATENS RUSSIA WITH MORE SANCTIONS, EVENTUALLY, PROBABLY, MAYBE
GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY BACK AT NUMBER ONE BECAUSE HECK, SOMETHING HAD TO BE THERE
THE RAMS CUT MICHAEL SAM BUT NOT BECAUSE HE’S GAY, THEY SAY
ICELAND DECIDES THEIR VOLCANO THING WON’T BE AS BAD AS THEY THOUGHT
THE UN STILL REALLY COMPLAINING ABOUT ALL THE SYRIAN REFUGEES
NOW NATO ACCUSES RUSSIA OF INVADING UKRAINE WHICH IS REAL SERIOUS AND STUFF
SENEGAL FINALLY GETS IN ON THE EBOLA GAME