NOW PLAYING: NEWS

SALVAGE OF SOUTH KOREAN FERRY TO TAKE AT LEAST TWO MONTHS BECAUSE THAT’S HOW LONG THESE THINGS TAKE

Seoul, South Korea – In sheer numbers, the death toll in the South Korean ferry sinking that happened this week is just awful. The makeup of the passengers, with many of them being high school students, clearly makes things much, much worse for everyone involved.

TOP STORIES

SCIENTISTS FIND MOST EARTH-LIKE PLANET YET BUT IT’S REAL FAR AWAY

 

FAMILY DOES A QUICK CHECK TO MAKE SURE COREY HAIM STILL DEAD
ALONZO MOURNING TO CARRY MUGGSY BOGUES IN HIS PANTS DURING HALL OF FAME INDUCTION CEREMONY
PUTIN AGREES TO STEP BACK ON UKRAINE IF TINA TURNER AGREES TO COME OUT OF RETIREMENT
UN SAYS IT STILL FEELS TERRIBLE IT HAD ALIENS IN CHARGE THROUGHOUT RWANDAN GENOCIDE

NEWS

EVERYONE SUDDENLY RACING TO THE BE THE FIRST TO DESTROY SYRIAN CHEMICAL WEAPONS

SOME CLAIMING THERE HAS BEEN A NEW GAS ATTACK IN SYRIA BUT THAT COULD NOT POSSIBLY BE THE CASE NOW COULD IT

OFFICIALS SENDING ROBOTS TO DO WHAT MEN COULDN’T FINDING THAT MISSING PLANE

EU AGREES TO PUT MORE SANCTIONS ON RUSSIA BECAUSE THAT IS DOING SOOO MUCH GOOD

NEWS

ROBOT SUB HAVING ABOUT AS MUCH LUCK AS US HUMANS IN HUNT FOR MISSING PLANE

UKRAINE PRETTY MUCH READY TO TAKE ON SEPARATISTS AND ALL THEY DO

EVERYONE BUT THE PEOPLE CAUSING TROUBLE AGREE ON DEAL TO HALT TROUBLE IN UKRAINE

EVERYONE TRYING TO EXTEND MIDDLE EAST PEACE TALKS BECAUSE HECK WHY NOT

NEWS

QUITE A FEW KILLED IN ARMED RAIDS IN UKRAINE BUT THAT IS WHAT TENDS TO HAPPEN WHEN YOU PLAY WITH GUNS

UKRAINE GETS AROUND TO JUST KILLING ALL THOSE GUYS CAUSING TROUBLE FOR THEM

U.S. WARNS RUSSIA ABOUT EVERYTHING THEY ARE DOING OR NOT DOING IN UKRAINE

ON THE AIR

CUP OF JOE
(NOW PLAYING)

KIEV CALLS TRUCE FOR EASTER DESPITE ALL THE LACK OF PROGRESS THEY ARE MAKING
SOUTH KOREAN DIVERS SEE BODIES IN SUNKEN FERRY WHICH HAS TO BE PRETTY GROSS
POPE FRANCIS LEADS GOOD FRIDAY SERVICES BUT PRESENTS NOTHING NEW REALLY
GWEN STEFANI JOINS THE VOICE SINCE SHE ISN’T REALLY DOING ANYTHING ELSE
TOM CRUISE DATING LAURA PREPON WHO IS NOT A MAN
BRYAN SINGER ACCUSER READY TO SUE AND SUE AND SUE UNTIL PEOPLE BELIEVE HIM
PERU EVACUATES AREA AROUND VOLCANO BECAUSE IT IS GOING TO EXPLODE AND KILL PEOPLE IF THEY DON’T
SOUTH KOREA PROBABLY GOING TO ARREST CAPTAIN OF THAT FERRY THAT CRASHED AND KILLED ALL THOSE KIDS
NIGERIA ADMITS THE GIRLS THEY RESCUED WERE NOT THE ONES WHO WERE KIDNAPPED, OR THEY JUST LIED ABOUT THE WHOLE THING
CHELSEA CLINTON SOMEHOW GETS HERSELF PREGNANT, LIKE BY A MAN AND EVERYTHING
GABRIEL GARCIA MARQUEZ DIES BEFORE FINISHING READING ALL HIS OWN BOOKS
CHAD JOHNSON SIGNS WITH THE MONTREAL ALOUETTES BECAUSE WHY THE HECK NOT
CAPTAIN OF SOUTH KOREAN FERRY APOLOGISES FOR SINKING IT WHICH WILL PROBABLY NOT BE ENOUGH