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GINGRICH PROMISES MOON BASE FOR HIS MISTRESSES

Miami, FL – Every election in every country holds with it promise, promise of change, promise of hope. Occasionally that hope becomes manifest, but most often it ends up being just false promises, usually honestly-intended promises, but false nonetheless. Barack Obama is not the first leader to make promises he couldn’t deliver upon, and he most certainly won’t be the last.
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DOUG FROM MILWAUKEE EMERGES AS SURPRISE FRONT RUNNER FOR REPUBLICAN NOMINATION

EUROPE GOES ON A DOWNGRADE SPREE

BILL GATES FEELS HE SHOULD PAY MORE TAXES AND MAY DO SO IF ASKED

WELL OF COURSE GINGRICH LIKES RONALD REAGAN NOW
NEWS BRIEFS
MEXICAN U.N. OFFICIALS DEMANDING THEIR COCAINE SHIPMENT FROM POLICE
ASHTON KUTCHER RETURNS TO L.A. FOR VISIT WITH HOSPITALIZED MOTHER
PAULA DEEN ALREADY EATING THE CRAP OUT OF DIABETES
DMX FINDS FIRST CLASS IS DARK AND PLANE IS HOT AFTER DIGESTIVE EMERGENCY

NEWS

GADDAFI FORCES SEIZE CONTROL OF TIME MACHINE AND SOUTHERN TOWN

ONE IN FIVE GERMANS TURNING A BLIND EYE TO THE HOLOCAUST, AGAIN

IRAN MAY NOT WANT TO SELL ITS OIL TO EUROPE ANYWAYS

DEMI MOORE HOSPITALIZATION MAY THREATEN NEW JOB AT KFC

GABRIELLE GIFFORDS ANNOUNCES RESIGNATION TO SPEND MORE TIME, UH, SOMETHING

NEWS

SUN BEGINS ASSAULT ON EARTH AND HUMANKIND BUT WE WILL NOT BE BOWED

BILL CLINTON NOT EYEING ANOTHER RUN FOR PRESIDENT, YET

NEW STUDY FINDS AUTISM MAY JUST BE A PHASE KIDS WILL GROW OUT OF

ROMNEY TAX RETURNS REVEAL HE MADE WAY MORE MONEY THAN YOU LAST YEAR

TSA DETAINS SENATOR RAND PAUL BUT NO ONE SEEMS TO CARE

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