EVERYONE ELSE

LENIN UNHURT AFTER ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT

ALERT FOR NATION OF GEORGIA

OFFICIALS FEAR POTENTIAL VIKING INVASION AHEAD OF 2012 OLYMPIC GAMES

INSIDER INSINUATES THAT NORTH KOREAN GOVERNMENT MAY BE CORRUPT

ISRAELI POLICE MAKING EFFORT TO ARREST CHILDREN PROPERLY

ETHNIC VIOLENCE IN NIGERIA LEAVES HUNDREDS OF NIGERIANS DEAD

ZOMBIE WOOLY MAMMOTHS STALKING NORTHERN SIBERIA

GRIZZLY BEARS INVADING CANADA’S CAPITAL

IRAQI ELECTIONS START OFF WITH A BANG

MEDVEDEV BEGINS PURGE AFTER PITIFUL OLYMPICS

DUBAI AQUARIUM CRACK SEALED UNTIL BETTER OPPORTUNITY ARRIVES

700 DEAD, 2 MILLION COMPLAINING AFTER CHILEAN QUAKE

ENGLAND TO WIPE OUT MOST EMBARRASSING HISTORICAL EVENTS

TURKISH COUP ATTEMPT MOSTLY CONCERNS TURKS

NATO STILL RACKING UP CIVILIAN KILLS IN AFGHANISTAN

JAPAN TO RESUME HUNT FOR LAST REMAINING WHALES

FLOODING IN PORTUGAL KILLS 38, MOSTLY PORTUGUESE

HARDLY ANYONE NOTICES AS DUTCH GOVERNMENT COLLAPSES

EVERY SINGLE CHINESE PERSON HAS FEELINGS HURT OVER DALAI LAMA VISIT

SARKOZY VISITS HAITI BUT RETURNS WITHOUT SLAVES

NEW COLOMBIAN LAW WILL ONLY ALLOW DEAD PEOPLE TO BE BURIED

CLINTON: IRAN PURSUING NUCLEAR ARMS, CHEMICAL LEGS

EU OFFERS GREECE ‘MORAL SUPPORT’

YULIA TYMOSHENKO ELECTION LOSS MAKES UKRAINE JOKE

EGYPT SET TO UNVEIL KING TUT DNA RESULTS ON ‘MAURY’

MEIN KAMPF TO BE REPUBLISHED IN GERMANY; MOVIE IN THE WORKS

FUTURISTIC RUSSIAN JET NOT REALLY FROM THE FUTURE

AUSTRALIA TO PAY FOR PORN STAR BREAST ENHANCEMENTS

PERU CLEARS OUT MACHU PICCHU AS PRELUDE TO INVASION

UNREPENTANT BLAIR READY TO ATTACK IRAQ AGAIN

ETHIOPIAN AIRPLANE CRASH LIKELY A RESULT OF THE PLANE BEING ETHIOPIAN

BIN LADEN CLAIMS RESPONSIBILITY FOR CHRISTMAS DAY ATTACK, ROBBINS-SARANDON SPLIT

HAITI QUAKE RESCUE OVER, EVERYONE GOING HOME

CHINA CLOSE TO FINALLY KILLING REMAINING WILD TIGERS

MAN WHO SHOT POPE FREE AND OFF TO DISNEYWORLD, AFTER A SMALL DETOUR

WORLD SHOCKED AS BOMBS EXPLODE, IN AFGHANISTAN

IRAQI OFFICIALS NOT SURE HOW TO EXECUTE CHEMICAL ALI SO MANY TIMES

RESCUE WORKERS FINDING HAITI “ICKY AND GROSS”

HAITIANS JUST LYING AROUND AS TOURISM DRIES UP

IRAQI WOMEN FORCED INTO REALLY BORING SEX SLAVERY

PORT-AU-PRINCE VASTLY IMPROVED AFTER QUAKE SHAKES THINGS UP IN HAITI

AUSCHWITZ ASKING FOR HELP, AGAIN

MILLIONS OF CHINESE MEN UNLIKELY TO EVER GET LAID AGAIN

HAITIAN SLAVERY FALLS TO ALL TIME LOWS

JAPANESE MAN SURVIVES HIROSHIMA AND NAGASAKI ONLY TO DIE OF OLD AGE

PAKISTANI BOMBING STARTS NEW YEAR OFF WITH A BANG

ISRAEL AT A LOSS AS EXECUTIONS FAIL TO DERAIL PEACE IN WEST BANK

CIA DEALT ‘DEVASTATING BLOW’ BY TALIBAN FORCES

YEMEN READY TO STRIKE WITH TERRORIST FORCES WHENEVER THEY ARE NEEDED

RUSSIA CONSIDERS DOING AWAY WITH TIME

WOMAN WHO KNOCKED DOWN POPE DIDN’T EVEN SEE HIM STANDING THERE

DOCTORS TO INVESTIGATE WHY HUGO CHAVEZ KEEPS SMELLING SULPHUR

TERRORIST GERRY ADAMS OPENS UP ABOUT TOUGH CHILDHOOD

IRAN ADMITS A COUPLE OF PRISONERS WERE BEAT TO DEATH

AFRICA FINALLY STARTING TO FATTEN UP

PHILIPPINE VOLCANO STILL A DANGER, TO FILIPINOS

TONY BLAIR ADMITS HE WOULD HAVE GONE INTO IRAQ BY HIMSELF

NAZI TWINS FIGHTING NAZI PAST

CATHOLIC CHURCH ORDERS FEEDING TUBE FOR SLEEPING MAN

HUNGARY ORDERS CHIMNEYS CLOSED TO SANTA TO PREVENT H1N1 SPREAD

U.S. SOLDIERS COMPLAINING ABOUT DIFFICULTY LEVEL IN AFGHAN WAR

HONDURAS TENSE AS ELECTION TESTS MATH SKILLS

RECORD SETTING MASSACRE BRINGS JUBILATION TO THE PHILIPPINES

CHINESE COAL MINE DISASTER ONLY KILLS 87

INDIAN MAN UNWELCOME IN EVERY COUNTRY ON THE PLANET

BELGIAN PRIME MINISTER BECOMES FIRST CREEPY PRESIDENT OF THE E.U.

IRAQI MILITARY CONTRACTOR IN HOT WATER AFTER DESTROYING RECYCLABLES

HUNGRY RUSSIANS STILL TRYING TO NORMALIZE CANNIBALISM

ANCIENT PERSIAN ARMY FINALLY SHOWS UP FOR WORK

MILLIONS CELEBRATE LOUSY CONSTRUCTION OF BERLIN WALL

FRANCE TRIES TO CALM CONCERNS ABOUT DESIGNER NUCLEAR REACTORS

NIGERIAN SPACE AGENCY GETS NEW ROCKS TO THROW AT THE MOON

NOTHING REALLY LOST AS SWINE FLU SHUTS UKRANIAN SCHOOLS

NAZI MEMOIR MAY REVEAL IF HITLER WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE HOLOCAUST

GIANT SHARK THREATENS TO DEVOUR AUSTRALIA

AFGHANISTAN WAR ZONE DECLARED UNSAFE AFTER AMERICAN SOLDIERS KILLED

SARKOZY FINALLY STARTING TO GET OVER OBAMA

ALBINO HUNT COMES UNDER FIRE IN AFRICA  

AUSTRALIA GOES ROGUE AND SIDES WITH THE TERROISTS

RUSSIA PREPARES TO NUKE THE REST OF THE WORLD

SWEDEN TEMPORARILY KNOCKED OFF THE PLANET

AMERICANS URGED TO STOP SENDING JUNK FOOD TO STARVING PEOPLE

FRANCE THROWN INTO CHAOS AFTER GIANT DINOSAUR FOOTPRINTS FOUND

INDONESIAN EARTHQUAKE KILLS MOSTLY JERKS

PHILIPPINES RIDING THE WAVE OF TROPICAL STORM KETSANA

MADELEINE MCCANN PARENTS PLAN TO ‘JUST GET LOST’ DURING TRIP TO PORTUGAL

CANADIAN OFFICIALS EXPECT NATIVES WILL NEED BODY BAGS NO MATTER WHAT

TERRORISTS BEING STARVED OUT OF HOUSE AND HOME

FRENCH TO FORGO MONEY IN FAVOUR OF SMILES

SOMEONE FINALLY LISTENS TO THE MAORI

SUDAN FINES WOMAN FOR WEARING CLASHING PANTS IN PUBLIC

TYPOGRAPHY TERRORISTS NABBED TRYING TO BOMB IKEA HEADQUARTERS

LIBYA VOICES WORLD’S DESIRE TO DISSOLVE SWITZERLAND

SEA TURTLES THREATENING CARIBBEAN AFTER BAHAMAS OUTLAWS KILLING

SON SUES TO CLEAR STALIN’S NAME

SOUTH KOREAN MISSILE GOES ASTRAY AMIDST GIGGLING FROM THE NORTH

HAMID KARZAI ACCUSED OF RIGGING ELECTION BETTER THAN OPPONENT

EUROPE SHUDDERS AS ANGELA MERKEL DECLARED MOST POWERFUL WOMAN

LOCKERBIE BOMBER FREE AND READY TO GO AGAIN

CAPITALISM FINALLY WINNING THE TOILET PAPER WAR

TALIBAN STRUGGLING AFTER DEATH OF LEADER

WORLD’S OLDEST MAN LAID TO REST DESPITE FEEBLE PROTESTS

MAN DIES TRYING TO SET WORLD RECORD FOR SPINNING IN CIRCLES

CHARLES TAYLOR BECOMES INTERIOR DESIGNER; SAYS HUMAN SKULLS ARE IN

NEW ZEALAND COMES WITHIN RICHTER POINTS OF A TSUNAMI

IRANIAN DEATH TOLL REMAINS UNKNOWN BUT BELIEVED TO BE MOSTLY GAY

AFRICA TO END TYRANNY AND CORRUPTION AFTER OBAMA SPEECH

POPE COMES OUT AGAINST SPAYING AND NEUTERING PETS

MILITARY OFFICIALS WARN AFGHANISTAN RUNNING OUT OF AFGHANS

NOT EVEN PRESIDENT WANTS TO LIVE IN HONDURAS

IRAQ CELEBRATE VICTORY OVER AMERICAN INVADERS

IRANIAN AUTHORITIES PIONEER MULTIPLE VOTE SYSTEM

SOUTH AFRICANS “SHOCKED” OVER RAPE SURVEY RESULTS

IRANIAN PUBLIC STILL EXCITED ABOUT ELECTION RESULTS

U.S. TO DO NOTHING ABOUT POSSIBLE NORTH KOREAN ATTACK ON PEARL HARBOR

YACHT COMPLETED, RUSSIAN BILLIONAIRE PLANS GIANT SPACE LASER

NETANYAHU MAKES PLANS TO SUMMER IN NEW PALESTINIAN STATE

EVERYONE WINS IN IRANIAN ELECTION

AIR FRANCE CRASH INVESTIGATION HIGHLIGHTS DANGER OF BLACK BOX DEPENDENCE

THOUSANDS GO UNRAPED AND UNABUSED IN IRISH CATHOLIC SCHOOLS

NIGERIA FREES DOZENS OF PRISONERS THROUGH LOOPHOLE IN CEILING

AIR FRANCE LOSES PLANE BUT SECURES LUGGAGE

ABU GHARIB PHOTOS SHOW RAPE AND ABUSE MUCH LIKE U.S. PRISONS

NETHERLANDS LOOKING TO IMPORT PRISONERS AS CRIME DRIES UP

IRAN ROCKS THE CASBAH WITH WARSHIPS IN INTERNATIONAL WATERS

WORLD SHOCKED AS NORTH KOREA DROPS THE N-BOMB

IRISH FINALLY ADMIT ACCENT WAS ALL ABOUT THE CHICKS

ANNUAL MONARCHY POLL SHOWS QUEEN ELIZABETH LOSING GROUND

BURMESE OFFICIALS ACCUSED OF RUSHING TRIAL, ABSOLVED OF MASS MURDER

POPE BENEDICT PROMOTES EMBRACE OF THE HOLOCAUST

LATE SNOWFALL BURNS AFGHAN CIVILIANS

HUNDREDS KILLED IN POORLY DESIGNED NO-FIRE ZONE

LAOS DECIDES TO STOP KILLING PREGNANT WOMEN

41 DEAD IN KILLER TURKISH WEDDING

EGYPT STARTS BUTCHERY IN SWINE HOLOCAUST

NORWAY TO RAPE AND PILLAGE FUTURE BY BANNING CARS

IRASCIBLE IRAN NOW GOING AFTER PEACE LOVING EGYPT

RACIST COUNTRIES WALK OUT ON RACIST AHMADINEJAD SPEECH

BRITISH GOVERNMENT CONSIDERS CONVERTING BIG BEN TO DIGITAL

CANADIANS TO COMPLETELY WIPE AWAY MEMORY OF BILLY BOB THORNTON

MEXICAN OFFICIALS TO REDUCE CARTEL DEATH TOLL BY IGNORING MURDERS

MAMA MIA! HOLY WEEK EARTHQUAKE KILLS DOZENS IN HOLY LAND

REPORTS INDICATE CARLA BRUNI DEPRESSED AS MICHELLE OBAMA MOVES ON

JAPANESE OFFICIALS LAUGH OFF KOREAN ROCKET LAUNCH AS ‘KIA-TASIC’

LATIN WORLD EMBRACES FRITZLMANIA

MEXICAN MORTICIANS MAKING A KILLING AS DRUG WAR SPIRALS

FRITZL CASE SPARKS GLOBAL INCESTUOUS EMBRACE

JOSEF FRITZL PLEADS GUILTY BEFORE REALIZING PRISONS DO NOT HAVE CELLARS

POPE DISCOURAGES CONDOMS IN EFFORT TO CULL THE HERD

TOURISM SURGES AS NEW ZEALAND’S WOMEN GROW LARGER BREASTS

SUDANESE KIDNAPPERS BOOTED FROM TERRORIST NETWORK AFTER LAME KIDNAPPING

RUSSIA DEPLOYING BOMBERS LIKE IT’S 1959

POOR COUNTRIES GOING ABSOLUTELY AND TOTALLY INSANE

GERMANS UP THE ANTE FOR AMERICAN SCHOOL SHOOTERS

SCIENTISTS FEAR CHIMPANZEE UPRISING IMMINENT

TENSION RISES AS NORTH KOREA REFUSES TO CALL SOUTH

CANADIAN BORDER PATROLS INCREASE AS AMERICAN REFUGEES FLEE

NO ONE SUPRISED AS HUGO CHAVEZ REACTS TO ECONOMIC CRISIS WITH DICTATORIAL RULE

SECRET GERMAN POLICE OPERATION ROUTES OUT NEO-NAZIS

NICARAGUA FIGHTING OFF VAMPIRE INVASION

BRITISH POLICE DECIDE TO ENCOURAGE CHAOS ON STREETS

U.S. THROWING SUPPORT BEHIND IRANIAN NUCLEAR PROGRAM

IRAN LOOKS TO HOLLYWOOD TO HEAL WOUNDS WITH U.S.

RIGHT WING ATTACKS OBAMA PLAN TO EVICT SOLDIERS FROM IRAQ

IDF CLAIMS THAT EVERYTHING ANYONE DOES IS TERRORISM

IRAQI OFFICIALS CLAIM ABU GHARIB NOW A PRISONER PARADISE

FRENCH NAVY CLAIMS BRITISH SUBMARINE DRIVING ON WRONG SIDE OF THE OCEAN

AUSTRALIAN WILDFIRE DEATH TOLL RISES AS RESIDENTS UNWILLING TO GET OUT OF THE WAY

OSCAR MAYER OFFICIALS PITCHING BACON AS PATH TO MIDDLE EAST PEACE

ISRAEL ANNOUNCES GAZA CEASEFIRE JUST IN TIME FOR OBAMA INAGURATION

WORLD YAWNS AS ISRAEL INVADES GAZA

ISRAELI ATTACKS ON GAZA HIGHLIGHT FAILURE OF CEASE FIRE

POPE’S APPEAL FOR MID-EAST PEACE FALLS ON SURPRISINGLY DEAF EARS

WORLD WATCHES AS CANADA IS BLANKETED IN MYSTERIOUS WHITE POWDER

ROMANIA REMOVES THEORY OF EVOLUTION FROM SCHOOLS; MOVES CLOSER TO STONE AGE

GREEK RIOTS SPARK GLOBAL REALIZATION THAT GREECE IS STILL A COUNTRY

CANADIAN POLITICIANS ESCHEW DEMOCRACY IN FAVOUR OF WINNING

AMERICA CLAIMS INDIAN TERRORIST ATTACKS AS THEIR OWN

ICELANDIC PROTESTS TURN VIOLENT; GOVERNMENT MAKES PLANS TO SELL NATION

U.N. OFFICIALS PROPOSE CONTRACTING MEMBERSHIP, REDUCING NUMBER OF COUNTRIES

MADELEINE MCCANN RENEWS CALL FOR HELP FINDING PARENTS

KIM JONG-IL NOT DEAD, DECLARES NORTH KOREA ONE NATION UNDER HIP-HOP

SWEDISH PIRATES OUTRAGED OVER NEW ANTI-PIRACY LAW

OSAMA BIN LADEN TO PAY TRIBUTE TO RONALD REAGAN IN NEWEST VIDEO

PSYCHIC PREDICTS ALIEN INVASION, LOGIC AND REASON INDICATE OTHERWISE

CANADIAN PRIME MINISTER HARPER SET FOR EPIC ELECTION FAIL

ROBERT MUGABE PLEDGES ZIMBABWEAN HELP FOR UNITED STATES CASH CRISIS

MAHMOUD AHMADINEJAD DECLARES AMERICAN EMPIRE NEARING ITS END, LEARNING TO PLAY VIOLIN

KIM JONG-IL DEAD? REPLACED BY PUPPET?

PRINCESS DIANA TRIBUTES STILL ANNOYING AFTER ELEVEN YEARS

SPANISH PLANE CRASH LEAVES RACISTS ALIVE

MISSILE DEFENSE PLAN CAUSES GERMANS TO POUR OVER POLISH BORDER

ITALIAN PIRATES PIRATING PIRATE SITE

U.S. AND POLAND AGREE ON MISSILES FOR SAUSAGES PACT

GREENPEACE PETITIONS GOVERNMENTS TO OPEN UP GRAVES

GEORGIAN FORCES PULLING BACK TO ATLANTA

CHINESE OFFICIALS ANGRY OVER RUSSIAN WAR, JOHN EDWARDS AFFAIR

RUSSIA INVADES GEORGIA, ATLANTA RESIDENTS ON ALERT

BEIJING BANNING DRAGONS FROM OLYMPIC VENUES

AFRICAN NATIONS TO DONATE WATER SUPPLIES TO EUROPE

AFRICAN VIOLENCE SPREADS WEST TO SOUTH AMERICA

ANTI-TIBET ACTIVISTS PROTEST LACK OF ATTENTION

DIGGING YOURSELF OUT OF A HOLE MAKES HOLES BIGGER, MAN LEARNS

ISLAMISTS DECRY “MUSLIMIFICATION” OF ISLAM

JOSEF MENGELE’S BIRTHDAY GOES UNMARKED AGAIN

PEACE TALKS BREAK DOWN IN FACE OF NAME CALLING

SOCIALISTS SPEND MOST TIME ON SOCIAL WEBSITES: STUDY

PENNSYLVANIA MISTAKEN FOR TRANSYLVANIA; VAMPIRES OUTRAGED

RASH OF U.S. SHOOTINGS BRINGS GLOBAL OUTRAGE

IRAN EXPANDS SANCTIONS ON U.S.

PLANS FOR “GREAT WALL OF MONGOLIA” FINALIZED