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U.S.A.
D.C. SNIPER EXECUTION THE BEST IN DECADES
FORT HOOD SHOOTER REPORTEDLY STRUGGLED WITH HIS AIM
TRAIN SUICIDES ALL THE RAGE IN CALIFORNIA
ATLANTA TO FINALLY ELECT A WHITE MAYOR
POLICE BELIEVE DECAYING CORPSES FOUND IN RAPIST’S HOUSE WERE LIKELY MURDERED
NEW STARS GET A CHANCE TO SHINE ON UPDATED FBI TEN MOST WANTED LIST
TENNESSEE MAN ADVOCATING INTER-SPECIES MARRIAGE RIGHTS
GIRL FOUND IN LANDFILL WAS LIKELY MURDERED
CARRIE PREJEAN TO RETURN BREAST IMPLANTS
CONSERVATIVE CRITICS UP IN ARMS OVER MARGE SIMPSON PLAYBOY PICTORIAL
FBI ISSUES GLOBAL TSUNAMI WARNING
SAN FRANCISCO SEA LION TURF WAR GETS UGLY
ERIN ANDREWS CASE REVEALS HOLES IN HOTEL SECURITY, WALLS
TEXAS GOVERNOR SAYS STATE HAS NEVER EXECUTED ANYONE
ILLINOIS STUDENT EXPELLED FOR WEARING SHIRT DEPICTING ROUND EARTH
SECRET SERVICE UPSET OVER FACEBOOK POLL, STATUS UPDATES
SOLAR ELECTRIC CHAIR MAKES SPARKS IN NEW GREEN AMERICA
STUDY FINDS ATHEISTS MOST HATED MINORITY; ATHEISTS DON’T BELIEVE IT
NEW LAW LIMITING ROOSTERS CAUSES CHAOS IN LOS ANGELES
GADDAFI STUCK IN NEW YORK WITHOUT A PLACE TO STAY
ESCAPED INSANE KILLER ENJOYING HIS TIME ON THE OUTSIDE
INDEPENDENT CONTRACTORS QUESTIONED IN PLAN TO EXPAND NEW YORK SUBWAY TUNNEL
GROWING NUMBER OF AMERICANS FINDING PEDOPHILES IN THEIR BACKYARDS
PARENTS ARRESTED AFTER MAKING CHILD EAT IRON WEIGHTS
BUDGET CRISIS FORCES CALIFORNIA TO BURN THOUSANDS OF ACRES
DEATH OF FAMOUS JOURNALISTS PROMPTS SHODDY INVESTIGATION
MILITARY ENTHUSIASTS ADD RAPE, MURDER TO VIETNAM WAR RE-ENACTMENT
SQUEAKY FROMME SEEN SKULKING AROUND THE WHITE HOUSE
HELICOPTER AND PLANE FUSION GOES AWRY ON THE HUDSON
BTK AND TED BUNDY VIE FOR BEST SERIAL KILLER AWARD
PIZZA HARASSMENT BECOMING EPIDEMIC ACROSS U.S.
SATANIST GROUP CLAIMS DEVIL GETTING A BAD RAP
MURDER/SUICIDE A RESULT OF GROWING G.I. JOE COLLECTION
CIA INVESTIGATES VIETNAM LINK IN ROBERT MCNAMARA DEATH
WINDED VISITORS ANNOYED AS STATUE OF LIBERTY REOPENS
UNITED STATES LOOKING INTO GROWING JELLYFISH THREAT
PUBLISHERS CLEARING HOUSE SUED AFTER MAN FAILS TO WIN
GM CHIEF QUESTIONED IN DC SUBWAY CRASH
TEST CONFIRMS MICHIGAN MAN REALLY LIKES DNA TESTS
PUBLIC PANICKED AS ASBESTOS EMERGENCY DECLARED IN MONTANA
HOLOCAUST MUSEUM SHOOTING LEAVES GENTILE DEAD
TEEN SURVIVOR OF GENOCIDE DREADS GRADUATION
SAN QUENTIN INMATES WORRIED ABOUT PROSPECTIVE SALE
MALE STUDENTS FLOCKING TO FLORIDA AS TEACHER SEX CASES BECOMES EPIDEMIC
NEW YORK LOOKING TO REVAMP MUG SHOT SYSTEM
MASSACHUSETTS MATH TEACHERS NO LONGER REQUIRED TO KNOW MATH
AMMUNITION STARTS TO VANISH ACROSS THE UNITED STATES
NEWS OUTLETS STILL REPORTING ON CARRIE PREJEAN CASE
GOVERNOR SCHWARZENEGGER PROMOTES WEED AS SANTA BARBARA LIGHTS UP
DREW PETERSON ARREST PUTS KINK IN FUTURE MARRIAGE PLANS
COUNTRY ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT POSSIBILITY OF GEORGIA SECEDING
‘CRAIGSLIST KILLER’ OFFICIALLY HAS THE WORST WEEK EVER
NEW YORKERS PANIC AS PLANE APPEARS IN THE SKY
TEXAS SEEKS REVAMP OF COUNTRY'S ELECTRIC CHAIRS
SOMALI PIRATE STEALING THE HEART OF NEW YORKERS
CALIFORNIA MOM BRINGS NEW ATTENTION TO FEMALE RAPISTS
SCOTT PETERSON DOING JUST FINE ON DEATH ROW
TEXAS REP BETTY BROWN FINDS ASIAN SOLUTION TO EMPLOYMENT ISSUES
US POSTAL SERVICE LICKS THE FUTURE WITH SIMPSONS STAMPS
TEXAS DEATH ROW TO CUT BACK ON LAST MEALS, FINAL WORDS
VERMONT GAY MARRIAGE DECISION PUTS STRAIN ON MARRIAGE LICENSE SUPPLIES
US WOOING BILL MURRAY TO AID IN FIGHT AGAINST PIRATES
GOVERNMENT PROPOSES CHANGE TO 911 NUMBER TO REDUCE IDIOCY
PATRIOTIC ANGER SURGES OVER IMMIGRATION CENTRE SHOOTING
‘OUT OF THE BLUE’ BEHEADING CASTS PALL ON PLANNED BEHEADINGS
NATION DISAPPOINTED AS FARGO EVADES FLOOD DESTRUCTION
CASINOS SHOCKED AS PEOPLE WITH NO MONEY STOP GAMBLING
TOOTH FAIRY MAKING A KILLING AS JOB PROSPECTS DIM
US WORKERS SEEKING LOWER WAGES, MENIAL TASKS
FORECLOSURE WOES HIT CAVEMAN FAMILY
LESSER KNOWN SERIAL KILLERS PETITIONING FOR RELEASE
DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE INVESTIGATING PROCTER & GAMBLE OVER MAGIC ERASER
MCDONALD’S SHOOTING EMPLOYEES WITHOUT HEALTH INSURANCE
NAACP BATTLES NEW YORK POST, CARTOONIST, IRONY
POSSIBLE ARREST IN CHANDRA LEVY CASE STILL LEAVES INTERN DEAD
OCTOMOM REACHING TENTACLES OUT TOWARDS FORECLOSURE
OFFICIALS FEAR APE UPRISING AFTER CHIMPANZEE MAULS WOMAN
ONLY FIFTY KILLED AFTER PLANE CRASHES IN BUFFALO
GOVERNOR SCHWARZENEGGER CONSIDERING CLOSING CALIFORNIA BORDERS
APPLE DEVELOPING ICASKET AS STEVE JOBS TAKES SICK LEAVE
NEW YORK PLANE CRASH DISAPPOINTS JOURNALISTS WITH LACK OF DEATH
DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY TO SECURE PEANUT FACILITIES
FIRE RUINS SANTA’S TRAVEL PLANS
FBI BUSTS SANTA TERRORIST PLOT AS IT’S COMING DOWN THE CHIMNEY
POLICE CLOSE ADAM WALSH CASE DELIGHTING SERIAL KILLERS WORLDWIDE
POLL FINDS 37% OF AMERICANS UNABLE TO LOCATE AMERICA, 70% UNABLE TO READ POLLS
HASBRO SUED OVER “UNFAIR” MONOPOLY
ALASKANS EXCITED TO FINALLY BE A PART OF THE UNION
NYC TO CUT DOWN ON ROAMING AMBULANCES, POLICE CARS TO SAVE ON GAS
ACTUAL JOE SIXPACK SUING REPUBLICAN PARTY
CONFEDERATE REENACTORS PROMISE SECESSION IF OBAMA ELECTED
O.J. SIMPSON CONVICTED ON ALL COUNTS, COMPLETES CLICHE
HOLOCAUST BELIEVER DENIED MEMBERSHIP IN NEO NAZI GROUP, SUES
HURRICANE IKE CLEAN-UP BEGINS DESPITE INSURANCE COMPANY PROTESTS
TEXAS DOESN’T LIKE IKE BUT STILL VOTING REPUBLICAN
MUDERERS ACROSS AMERICA CELEBRATE RELEASE OF CASEY ANTHONY
HURRICANE GUSTAV MISSES NEW ORLEANS, NETWORKS MISS RATINGS GOALS
HURRICANE GUSTAV SENDS RESIDENTS FLEEING, SWEDISH VISITOR CONFUSED
WOULD-BE OBAMA ASSASSINS GAIN SUPPORT FROM MADD
BUSH ON GEORGIA: NOT THE SAME AS IRAQ BECAUSE WE ARE AMERICA
FEMA CONFIRMS THAT WEALTHY RESIDENTS OUT OF THE WAY OF HURRICANE FAY
U.S. CLAIMS RUSSIA INVADED GEORGIA TO GAIN CONTROL OF BIGFOOT
AFTER TEXAS CHUPUCABRA SIGHTING, AMERICANS BRACING FOR MONSTER INVASION
RICHARD COOEY CASE SPARKS LARGER ELECTRIC CHAIRS, THICKER NEEDLES
SKULL AND BONES TO CHANGE NAME TO FLESH AND DECAY?
MAN ACCUSED OF IMPERSONATING POLICE OFFICER DEFENDS SELF IN COURT
CHILDLIKE DRAWING SHOWS CHILD IS NOT A PRODIGY
CONDOM MACHINES DO NOT CAUSE TEENS TO HAVE MORE SEX, LOSER DECRIES
NEW BOAT DESIGNED TO GIVE SEALS LESS POUNDING
READERS STRIKE STRETECHES INTO THIRD MONTH
NEW YORK PHILHARMONIC SUED OVER VIOLINIST FINGER INJURY