Scrape TV Home Scrapeipedia The Town of LaRue Community Forum (new) Scrape Store (coming soon)

Scrape TV Humour

Scrape TV News

Scrape TV On the Air

NEWS > BUSINESS > FORD TO BEGIN PRODUCTION ON PINK SLIP MACHINES

FORD TO BEGIN PRODUCTION ON PINK SLIP MACHINES

November 22 2008

Detroit, MI – With the economy continuing to stumble, and with the possibility of a government bailout hanging in the balance, the big three car companies are looking at a massive re-assessment of their business model one way or another. The powers that be at Ford have already come up with a possible solution to the crisis and, pending the result of the bailout decision, will begin producing machines to pump out pink slips on an industrial scale.

While no decisions have yet been made as to how many production lines will be converted to pink slip manufacture, nor how many employees will be retained to run the new machines, the company has already actively begun the process of converting their massive infrastructure to the new product line.

“Select employees have already begun training on demo units. We’ve also been training line workers on technical support for the machines. They are likely going to be getting quite a lot of work and we need to make sure they are in top operating condition,” said a spokesperson for the company. “This is our contingency plan should congress not decide to give us the money we have asked for. We will not be submitting this plan as part of the proposal to get the free help.”

Many are applauding the effort to keep employees working especially through the holiday season, but are sceptical of the long term ability of the new product to keep the company afloat.

“It is a band aid solution to a much bigger issue and they need to acknowledge that. There will be no shortage of demand for pink slips in the short term, but even if this financial crisis deepens, with the incoming Obama Administration the move towards green technology will likely render paper pink slips irrelevant, leaving Ford back where they are now,” said Scrape TV business analyst Ken Green. “If Ford were serious about altering its business model to something more profitable, they would be best suited to making better cars. Cars with better fuel efficiency, better handling, safety ratings, looks. They should stick with the business they have been in, just start to do it well.”

The company did not say how many of the company’s own pink slips would be produced through the new facility should it come to pass. UAW, the union that represents all big three companies, is understandably outraged at the possibility.

“Our people are not making seventy dollars an hour to print paper. We expect them to make cars and trucks and that is what they will continue to make no matter what the financial state of the company may be,” said Chuck Harper, local UAW representative. “Can you imagine a worker printing out a pink slip for a guy he has worked with for twenty years? Or his own? It’s a totally ridiculous idea and we will not stand for it. We will continue to demand that our people continue to work on the lines and make the same amount of money they have always made even if the companies go under. We are all going to go down with this sinking ship.”

The company did not talk about the costs associated with the changeover, but hinted that they may be back in Washington before long.

William Ashford, Business Correspondent

NEWS > BUSINESS > FORD TO BEGIN PRODUCTION ON PINK SLIP MACHINES