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NEWS > BUSINESS > MCDONALDS UK TO INTRODUCE CUCUMBER SANDWICH COMBO TO MENU

MCDONALDS UK TO INTRODUCE CUCUMBER SANDWICH COMBO TO MENU

October 28 2008

London, U.K. – In an effort to bring a little green into the grease-laden diet of Britons, McDonald’s has announced plans to introduce a staple of the British diet as a regular menu item in the restaurants across the country. Cucumber sandwiches will begin appearing at McDonald’s in England, Wales, and Scotland over the next few months after a successful trial in a number of small markets.

“We’ve explored all types of healthy alternatives and we feel we have a winner here with this new sandwich,” said Basil Nathans, VP of Operations for McDonald’s UK. “British people like people all over the world are looking for healthy alternatives in their daily diet and we want to provide them with that. What we ultimately want is a time when people think of healthy eating, they think of McDonald’s.”

For the uninitiated cucumber sandwiches are a traditional English tea time dish, with copious amounts of butter and slices of cucumber on traditional sandwich bread. In recent years the dish has undergone a number of additions, but the version McDonald’s will be carrying will be the traditional version.
“This is England, not America and we will not be adding pickles or cream cheese. Each sandwich will have a quarter pound of butter and processed cucumber,” continued Nathans. “Each meal will of course come with a large beverage and medium French fries.”

While some are applauding the inclusion of the new sandwich, critics are already lashing out at the fast food giant for falsely presenting the new dish as healthy.

“Nothing that McDonald’s makes is healthy. I’m sure there will be a thousand experiments on this new sandwich when it comes out and I’m sure the results will be more or less the same as anything else they sell,” said Sarah Grimsby of the corporate watchdog WERMT. “Like every corporation McDonald’s is giving people a placebo. Offering this carrot on a stick, that really isn’t all that healthy anyway, to try and show people that they really care about their customer’s health which is a total sham. McDonald’s cares about people only so far as it relates to their bottom line. They have new commercials, people start to see them as a ‘healthy’ alternative, and they continue to buy, buy, buy. The last thing they care about is a healthy Britain, what they care about is money.”

The company did not release the nutritional information for the new sandwich, but did assure us that their cucumbers are healthier than hamburger patties.
“Look, we are in a business to make money and we want to provide our customers with a reason to come back to us. It’s a mutually beneficial relationship; we feed them, they feed us,” continued Nathans. “But it is not all about public perception. We want our customers to live long and healthy lives and they won’t do that eating Big Macs every day. They need some greens in their diet if they are going to continue to live and we very much want them to live. Dead customers do no one any good.”

The company has also announced that along with the new sandwich they will also be issuing free toothbrushes for the first month.

“It’s all part of the new healthier McDonald’s. We want to make sure that the British people have the chance to be healthy inside and out.”

The company said there are no plans to expand the new menu selection to any other countries or territories.

“America might actually be good. They seem to eat anything.”

William Ashford, Business Correspondent

NEWS > BUSINESS > MCDONALDS UK TO INTRODUCE CUCUMBER SANDWICH COMBO TO MENU

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