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NEWS > BUSINESS > WALL STREET BAILOUTS CONTINUE, GIGGLING HEARD FROM STALIN’S TOMB

WALL STREET BAILOUTS CONTINUE, GIGGLING HEARD FROM STALIN’S TOMB

September 28 2008

Washington, D.C. – With the government bailouts on the verge of becoming a reality, opinions on the state of the US economy are as divided as they have ever been. The continuing financial crisis is forcing the American people for the first time in a long to look to their government for help, and socialists around the world are taking note.

“With the mortgage related bailouts and the loans being granted to the car companies the American economy is heading towards a more socialist ideal,” said Scrape TV business analyst Ken Green. “It may well be that the Government has no other option than to bail out these failing institutions, but it does evoke some disturbing ideals for the American people. After all, what have the last sixty years been about? From Russia, to Cuba, to China the American people have prided themselves on being above all other things not Communist, and now, well times change.”

This comparison is of course causing excitement in other countries. From bona fide Communist nations such as China, North Korea, and Vietnam, to western nations that espouse socialist ideals such as Canada and France, nations around the world are watching the events in the US with a keen eye.

Of course no other country though is more excited about the shift in American policy than is their former arch rival Russia.

“The Russian government is not in the business of I told you so’s, but, well, we did,” said a spokesperson for Prime Minister Vladimir Putin. “We Russians have a great sense of humour. Stalin would no doubt be enjoying this. We are looking through our stores and would be willing to donate any spare red shirts we have to the American people. Get ready for breadlines.”

The recent shift also has an added bonus for Russian leaders still smarting over American criticism of the Georgian invasion and proclamations from Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin that she has been keeping watch on the nation.

“Russians do not like to lose. We have had to eat crow for many years, but things change,” continued the spokesperson. “In Soviet Russia, irony makes fun of you.”

That type of rhetoric of course does not sit well with the bulk of older Americans who grew up fearing the red threat, convinced that Communists were out to destroy them. Younger Americans more accustomed to real world threats such as terrorism and AIDS rather than ideological differences, are less interested in the politics and more in what it will mean to them and their future.

“Older people who did the duck and cover during the Cuban Missile Crisis still bristle at the idea of socialized anything,” said Scrape TV Socialism analyst David Marks. “People born after that are a lot more concerned with whether or not they are going to have old age pension and health insurance rather than some mythical monster coming to eat their children. Plus, I guess, whether or not they look good in red. Looks are very important to young people, socialist or not.”   

William Ashford, Business Correspondent

NEWS > BUSINESS > WALL STREET BAILOUTS CONTINUE, GIGGLING HEARD FROM STALIN’S TOMB