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NEWS > BUSINESS > BERNIE MADOFF UNABLE TO OFFER HOUSE TOURS, YACHT RIDES
BERNIE MADOFF UNABLE TO OFFER HOUSE TOURS, YACHT RIDES
March 25 2009
New York, NY – Things haven’t been going all that well for Bernie Madoff recently. With his guilty plea all but assuring that the 70 year-old will be spending the next 150 years in prison the convicted grifter thought he could rest easy knowing that his hundreds of millions of dollars, his multiple houses, yacht, Steinway piano, and all the rest of the goodies he had accumulated over the years would be safe. Now though it appears that federal prosecutors are going to pursue those assets and that has left Madoff in a funk.
Convicted of running the largest Ponzi scheme in history, Madoff is believed to have sapped 65 billion dollars from his investors. According to federal law Madoff will be obligated to pay back twice the gross gain from his crimes, a difficult task on meagre prison wages. According to reports Madoff believed that we would have been able to hold onto his assets and return to his life in 150 years, or the year 2159. Now though it appears that if Madoff is able to hold on and become the oldest human being to ever live he will have to rebuild his fortune from scratch.
“None of us can predict what the world and the nature of the global economy will be like in 150 years but we can probably be very confident that if there is still money to be had, someone will find a way to scam it from people
who earned it. I have no doubt that Madoff would be as viable a grifter in 150 years as he is today, save for the difficulty of living that long,” said Scrape TV Business analyst Ken Green. “If he had been able to hold onto those assets he would have had quite a nest egg from which to start. He does after all have a significant debt to pay off but having a couple billion in the bank is a good start.”
Madoff is not believed to be suffering any major illnesses or have a family history of heart disease or cancer. His parents and all previous ancestors though are all dead, making the odds of him being immortal all the less likely.
“If he does live forever he’s just going to have to start again just like regular people. The one good thing to come from the potential seizure of his assets though is that the people who paid for them are going to have the
chance to see what it is their money bought and even have a chance to purchase it back,” continued Green. “It’s a little bit classless taking back a gift one has given but it’s just as bad not using a gift you have been given. Having these things sit around for a century and half isn’t really using them so maybe it’s for the best that they go back to the original owners.”
Due the downturn in the economy and the massive loss of money as a result of the Ponzi scheme it is believed that very few of the gifters will be able to purchase those assets themselves. Madoff was reportedly looking to have them tour the homes and even take chartered expeditions on the 7 million dollar yacht they purchased, all for a fee of course, but that apparently is not to be. 
“From what I have heard Madoff is really down about the whole situation. There’s the whole imprisonment thing, the fact that his sons turned him in, and now he’s looking at the possibility of not having anything when he gets out. Apparently he is quite depressed and some people are concerned that he’s kind of lost his will to live, which of course makes immortality all the more difficult,” continued Green. “He is apparently very grateful to all the people who contributed to his lifestyle and genuinely wanted them to be able to share in some of the joy he has had with those gifts. He
had intended to charge them reasonable rates as well but with the government going after them that just isn’t going to happen. I think he feels a little let down and just a little bitter. Immortality should cure that as well. If accomplishes that all the people who have wronged him will be dead long before him.”
Despite many efforts no one has ever achieved physical immortality. Judaism, to which Madoff adheres, believes in the immortality of the soul though souls are traditionally poor scam artists.
William Ashford, Business Correspondent
NEWS > BUSINESS > BERNIE MADOFF UNABLE TO OFFER HOUSE TOURS, YACHT RIDES
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