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NEWS > BUSINESS > SHAMWOW PITCHMAN SHAMPOWS PROSTITUTES FACE
SHAMWOW PITCHMAN SHAMPOWS PROSTITUTES FACE
March 28 2009
Miami, FL – Vince Shlomi may not have the most recognizable of names but over the last two years people sure have come to know his face and the products he’s pushing. The viral success of his ‘ShamWow’ and ‘SlapChop’ commercials has made Shlomi a minor star. Drawing comparisons to Billy Mays and the king of informercials Ron Popeil, Shlomi has revolutionized the pitchman model and shamwowed a fortune in the process.
It was with a part of those shammy riches that Shlomi decided to part with last month in Miami when he procured a prostitute whose appetite for dollars was matched only by her desire for human flesh. It was only after he had paid 26 year old Sasha Harris 1000 dollars and taken her to his hotel room that he realized her carnivorous instincts. It was her bite down on his tongue and his subsequent pounding of her face that resulted in arrests for the duo, which has left Shlomi’s future looking like it has been cleaned with a throw away J Cloth.
“It’s really surprising for a lot of reasons, the main one of which is that if you were to expect anyone to beat the crap out of someone it would be Billy Mays, not the kind of wimpy looking Shlomi. I guess though if you are in that situation and someone is trying to eat you alive you just have to react. He should really be grateful though that they only went as far as kissing because teeth can really hurt,” said Scrape TV Crime analyst Willard Weston. “The situation though does speak to the success of ShamWow. A thousand dollars seems like an awful lot of money especially in this economy but apparently for him it really isn’t much of an issue. You’d think for that kind of coin you would get someone a little better behaved but maybe it’s true that money can’t buy you love.”
Sasha Harris denied that she was a prostitute and her continued life indicates that she is fact not a zombie come back from the dead to feed on the flesh of the living.
“Luckily for both of them this incident will only do good things for their careers. All of a sudden ShamWow is all over the news and she is going to make a killing with a lawsuit, book deal, who knows what. This is taking the pitch to a whole new level,” continued Weston. “The charges were dropped so neither of them will be seeing prison time, at least not for this. That will give them both all kinds of time to exploit their new fame.”
At this time it’s not clear if Bill Mays, best known for his OxiClean commercials, is planning on making a trip to Miami or if he is seeking out flesh-eating prostitutes in his area. Shortly after Shlomi’s arrest, though before it was made public, Mays challenged Shlomi to a pitch-off hoping to take back his turf.
“It’s been a hard battle for Mays. Shlomi has come on strong and is doing different thing, taking the whole 
discipline to a new level. Mays is really from the Popeil school of pitching which while
proven, seems a little dated, especially in comparison to Shlomi’s energy,” said Scrape TV Business analyst Ken Green. “This really has been Mays’ territory for a long time and it must rankle him a bit to see this young punk come on the scene and steal his thunder. It’s bad enough that Shlomi has been getting so much attention but with this stunt, deliberate or not, that is only going to increase and that is going to put pressure on Mays. When you’re good at selling garbage you can make a fortune but it can just as easily be taken away from you if you aren’t vigilant. I wouldn’t recommend copying Shlomi’s tactics exactly because that would be too transparent but he needs to get creative if he wants to stay in the game.”
Calls to both Shlomi, Mays, and Harris went unanswered. Shlomi in particular had a very irritating call answer message, talking about Germans and making breakfast. His fists also had no comment.
William Ashford, Business Correspondent
NEWS > BUSINESS > SHAMWOW PITCHMAN SHAMPOWS PROSTITUTES FACE
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