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NEWS > BUSINESS > KELLOGG’S ADMITS RICE KRISPIES WILL NOT MAKE A PERSON IMMORTAL
KELLOGG’S ADMITS RICE KRISPIES WILL NOT MAKE A PERSON IMMORTAL
November 8 2009
Battle Creek, MI – The quest for immortality has been around as long as human beings have understood the limits to our time on the planet. In recent years that quest has added things like plastic surgery and cryogenic freezing in an effort to 
extend one’s existence, something that thus far has not yet been achieved. Human beings though do live much longer than our ancestors. Advances in medical science have pushed the average life expectancy ever higher and some recent work indicates that in the very near future life may be extended indefinitely.
Part of the reason that human beings have been able to push our life expectancy so high is our diet. Despite ever growing waist lines and a seeming dependence on junk food, the evolution of food has provided human beings with one the greatest tools for extending our lives. Of course, the cornerstone of any healthy diet is breakfast, the most important meal of the day, and one of the stalwarts of that meal has been cereals. Now though Kellogg Company, the largest manufacturer of commercial cereal brands, has admitted that their products are not the long sought after ticket to immortality and will remove all wording indicating such from their various brands.
“Given the public attention dedicated to H1N1 Kellogg company has decided to remove the labels that state our products help support your child’s immunity. While we continue to believe that our products are the cornerstone of a healthy and balanced diet, we do not wish to lead people to believe that our products provide superior protection against serious disease,” said a spokesperson for the company. “Breakfast is still the most important meal of the day and we believe that our diverse line of products provides a terrific option for people of all ages. That said, people should not be led to believe that any cereal or food of any kind can provide immunity to H1N1 or any other viral infection. We also have no evidence that our products will stave off death or provide any of our customers with a chance at immortality.”
Specifically, the company will remove the claims from boxes of Rice Krispies and Cocoa Krispies, the former of which is one of the most popular cereals in the United States.
“Other companies have come under fire in recent years for really un-validated medical claims regarding their cereals. General Mills in particular had a major problem with that recently but of course they were simply giving poor medical advice, not a potential ticket to immortality and new understanding of the human condition,” said Scrape TV Business analyst Ken Green. “Ultimately businesses, big businesses, need to market their product in a responsible way to not only not fall afoul of the law but to also not deceive their customers. The rise of H1N1 has brought that to light in the case of Kellogg’s because they can be caught lying, something that simply wouldn’t have happened had a major pandemic not emerged.”
Though the company has never specifically claimed immortality as a side effect of eating Rice Krispies the insinuation was strong and because consumers would be dead before discovering the false claim, the company stood to make major profits on the promise.
“It’s a tried and true marketing trick. If you make outrageous claims you can secure a place amongst competitors and never have to answer to criticisms. Of course with the rise of this pandemic the first Rice Krispie fan to get sick with the disease would throw all the marketing away and potentially damage the brand permanently,” continued Green. “And so the quest to live forever goes on. I doubt that, at least in the long run, Kellogg will be significantly harmed by this situation. It isn’t the first time humanities dreams of immortality have gone unredeemed and likely won’t be the last.”
General Mills' Count Chocula cereal will also not provider the consumer with immortality, according to the company.
William Ashford, Business Correspondent
NEWS > BUSINESS > KELLOGG’S ADMITS RICE KRISPIES WILL NOT MAKE A PERSON IMMORTAL
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