NEWS > ENTERTAINMENT > CANCER “ECSTATIC” TO BE FREE OF JADE GOODY
CANCER “ECSTATIC” TO BE FREE OF JADE GOODY
March 22 2009
Upshire, England – 27 year old mother, reality TV star, and all around irritating celebrity has succumbed to cervical cancer. The ‘Big Brother’ star announced last August that she was suffering from cancer which quickly metastasised by February of this year. Told she had only a short time to live the much reviled star used her celebrity to promote cervical cancer awareness, marry her long time fiancé, and annoy television viewers until the end. Cancer, which has long been suffering attacks in the media and from medical professionals, reportedly celebrated its high profile victory.
“Jade died at 3.55 a.m. this morning,” her tearful mother Jackiey Budden told reporters. “Family and friends would like privacy at last.”
Much of that lack of privacy came long before Goody’s diagnosis. Her appearances on multiple iterations of the UK version of Big Brother as well as her outrageous behaviour and racist rants against Bollywood film legend Shilpa Shetty thrust the family into the very piercing glare of British celebrity. Her death though tragic has been seen as a relief to many throughout the UK who are publicly embracing the much reviled Cancer for the first time ever.
“Jade Goody wasn’t exactly a beloved celebrity in the United Kingdom. Peter Sellers is beloved, as is John Cleese, but Goody was neither of them. That aside, the fact that she was a young mother dying of cancer evoked a lot of sympathy and attention and all of that could have been the undoing of the disease. Luckily though more people hate her than lover her and it can really only be seen as a win,” said Scrape TV Entertainment analyst Tracey Temple. “If she had survived the disease it would have been one more defeat and a prominent spokesperson against the disease. By killing her it not only shuts her up but it endears the disease in the hearts of many people allowing the opportunity to rise again.”
Cancer is a class of diseases that manipulate cells and cause them to grow uncontrollably. Many forms of the disease are treatable through surgery, radiation treatment, and chemotherapy but the disease still kills millions every year regardless of their celebrity status or general likeability. Cancer kills approximately 1 per cent of 1 per cent of the global population annually.
“Cancer is a very scary idea and word and it’s very traumatizing to people unless it’s being used as a pejorative or it’s happening to people you don’t like. Even wishing cancer on people is seen as sketchy due to some kind of fear of Karmic
retribution even though there are much more deadly killers out there. Cancer has become the poster boy for death and that’s something it needs to fight if it wants to go on killing people,” said Scrape TV Health analyst Rebecca Phelps. “With so much attention focused on the disease inevitably people are going to try and cure it or prevent it in some way. Curing Cancer has almost become a mission for researchers and doctors the world over, a race to celebrity, a for sure Nobel Prize. With the exception of HIV there is no other health condition that receives this kind of treatment. For the disease’s sake it’s really a shame that Goody wasn’t globally famous or there would be people all over lining up for Cancer.”
Cancer’s triumph aside, the death of Goody has also prompted an outpouring of sympathy for a complete stranger unlike anything that has been seen since the death of Natasha Richardson four days ago. Message boards and Facebook tributes have been appearing at record rates as people express their sympathies to strangers who will never read their comments.
“When a celebrity dies, particularly a young one, there is this collective psychosis that seems to take over people especially on the internet. Suddenly people who have never heard of these people before are overcome with grief and maudlin commentary,” continued Phelps. “It’s some form of madness that scientists still have not been able to diagnose. Perhaps people feel that if they give their sympathies they will stave off death for themselves or their loved ones.
Maybe it makes them feel less guilty about being alive. Maybe though people are just nuts and have an irrational obsession with celebrities. We may never have an answer to that one but at least we know that Cancer will kill a good chunk of those people.”
Other irritating famous people with cancer include Lance Armstrong, Farrah Fawcett, and Kylie Minogue. All in remission, the disease is looking to use its new found fame to eradicate them as well. Patrick Swayze is reportedly near death.