NEWS > ENTERTAINMENT > JACKIE CHAN TO SEEK CONTROL OF ALL CHINESE PEOPLE

JACKIE CHAN TO SEEK CONTROL OF ALL CHINESE PEOPLE

April 19 2009

Hainan, China – Seeking total control of other people has long been a fantasy of many people. From dictators to serial killers the desire to manipulate the actions and desires of other people has long been a sought after power. Now that desire has spread to the entertainment world in the form of action star Jackie Chan.

Chan, speaking at a forum attended by Chinese Prime Minister Wen Jiabo, stated that Chinese people need to be controlled. Stating that the desire for things other than what they have is a problem affecting Chinese youth. Though the ‘Rush Hour’ star did not explicitly state that it was he who wanted to control all other Chinese people, many feel that that desire was at least part of his motivation for the comments.

“I'm not sure if it's good to have freedom or not. I'm really confused now. If you're too free, you're like the way Hong Kong is now. It's very chaotic. Taiwan is also chaotic,” said Chan. “I'm gradually beginning to feel that we Chinese need to be controlled. If we're not being controlled, we'll just do what we want.”

Freedom of choice of course has long been a desire of people across all cultures and races though throughout the nearly 60 years of
Communist rule in China much of that desire had been successfully removed from the people.

“This burgeoning feeling amongst young people to have freedom, to be able to go where they want, to buy new things when they want, to be able to eat what foods they want is a totally foreign concept to most in the republic and is therefore just a little threatening,” said Scrape TV Asian analyst  Wu Yao-Nu. “For many of a certain age, even the ridiculously wealthy and famous, it’s a very difficult concept for them to understand. Subservience has been forced upon the Chinese people through decades of brutal rule and the belief of many is that they should embrace that position. Perhaps for Chan he is simply used to having people who do whatever he wants around him and can’t comprehend the idea of not doing what he says.”

The comments have raised the ire of many in the Chinese republics of Hong Kong and Taiwan who have not endured decades of Communist control though it was warmly embraced by many in mainland China, exactly as one would expect.

“The issue here isn’t so much a wealthy international superstar coming out against free will, it’s a concern about what kind of overlord Jackie Chan would be and how he would go about controlling people. Would we be looking at more imprisonments and brutal torture or would he explore something
like electrified collars? Would we have to go around kicking people and jumping over buses? These are fundamental questions that need to be answered before we bow to our new overlord willingly,” continued Wu. “If we do go the collar route though we have to be concerned about where they are manufactured. Chinese goods have limited reliability to say the least and the last thing you want is people being electrocuted or exploding. That would hurt control system real quick.”

Chan also railed against Chinese made goods, stating that he would only buy a Japanese made TV for fear that a Chinese made one would explode.

“Perhaps that’s the motivation more than anything. It may be that he’s just had lousy luck with televisions and feels that controlling the entire race would provide him with a better picture,” continued Wu. “That may be a slightly superficial reason to want control over an entire race of people, but when it comes to high definition, well I mean that’s a really great picture.”

Chan gave no timetable for his enslavement of the Chinese people nor if plans to include Tibet in the plans. Fellow action Jean-Claude Van Damme has echoed Chan’s statements and reportedly started the initial stages of controlling all Belgians.

Samantha Dryden, Entertainment Correspondent

NEWS > ENTERTAINMENT > JACKIE CHAN TO SEEK CONTROL OF ALL CHINESE PEOPLE

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