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NEWS > ENTERTAINMENT > VATICAN FORGIVES JOHN LENNON; FINALLY RENEWS NEWSPAPER SUBSCRIPTION

VATICAN FORGIVES JOHN LENNON; FINALLY RENEWS NEWSPAPER SUBSCRIPTION

November 25 2008

Vatican City – “Christianity will go. It will vanish and shrink. We're more popular than Jesus now - I don't know which will go first, rock and roll or Christianity. Jesus was alright, but his disciples were thick and ordinary. It's them twisting it that ruins it for me.”

“The talent of Lennon and the other Beatles gave us some of the best pages in modern pop music,” said L'Osservatore Romano, the official Vatican newspaper. “After so many years it sounds merely like the boasting of an English working-class lad struggling to cope with unexpected success”.

Lennon of course apologized almost immediately after the quote became public, but the official offices of the Catholic Church has never discussed the issue since.
“It seems odd that The Vatican, of all entities, would hold a grudge. I mean they forgive murderers, rapists, and child molesters without so much as a second though and it takes them this long to forgive a silly little comment? Seems odd,” said Scrape TV Religion analyst Bertram Gas. “It’s entirely possible of course that they just found out that Lennon is dead.”

Vatican officials denied that this latest declaration had anything to do with Lennon’s and also stated that they regularly keep up with the news.
“The Pope reads newspapers, he reads all of them, all kinds,” said a spokesperson. “He understands the world. It’s not like he’s some recluse holed up in a castle or something. He even listens to rap music from time to time.”

The spokesperson offered no reason for the late forgiveness.

“It came just in time for the Fortieth anniversary of the White Album and don’t think that was an accident,” continued Gas. “The Vatican is desperately trying to show people that they are not out of touch. Sure they still don’t want people using condoms; they oppose homosexuality; they turn a blind eye to sex abuse, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be progressive. Of course bringing up a Forty-year old controversy isn’t going to go a long way towards resolving that hip factor considering that those who remember it probably don’t care and the rest are way too young to have even heard of it in the first place. Of course they still haven’t forgiven Judas and that’s been 2000 years. They sure know how to hold a grudge.”

We attempted to contact the remaining members of The Beatles for comment but much like they did in the original controversy; neither Paul McCartney nor Ringo Starr had any comment. The Vatican also denied reports that they had plans to forgive any other musician for their sins.

“Maybe, if they are really, really popular. The Pope doesn’t forgive just anyone,” concluded the spokesperson.

Samantha Dryden, Entertainment Correspondent

NEWS > ENTERTAINMENT > VATICAN FORGIVES JOHN LENNON; FINALLY RENEWS NEWSPAPER SUBSCRIPTION

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