NEWS > EVERYONE ELSE > NORTH KOREAN FLOODS KILL 88 TRAITORS TO THE NATION IN JULY
NORTH KOREAN FLOODS KILL 88 TRAITORS TO THE NATION IN JULY
July 29 2012
Pyongyang, North Korea – News of any kind out of North Korea is rare and when it does come it is usually not good. We never hear stories of good will amongst people or great sociological or scientific advances from that country. Generally all we hear are stories of doom and gloom, tales of nuclear weapons and mass starvation.
Today is no different from any of those other days. North Korean officials, in a rare statement to the world at large, announced that upwards of 88 people have been killed in floods throughout the country for the month of July. A further 134 have been injured by those events.
It is believed that every single person killed was a traitor to the Great Nation of Korea and that they all called their deaths upon them by betraying their glorious leader. It’s believed that injured people were people who might have considered betraying the nation, either by associating with traitors or by not fully believing in the Great Successor Kim.
“We have suffered enormous typhoons and rainstorms over the period from July 18 to July 24. This has killed many people and we have suffered material losses,” reported the official government website. “Those who died will be remembered as traitors to the nation, people who chose to betray the country which has given them so much in favour of the decadence and lies of the West. They have brought their demise upon themselves.”
It’s believed that at least some of the traitors were involved in delivering nuclear secrets to the West, the rest likely just complaining about food.
It’s not believed that North Korea has developed the technology to actually create floods which could well indicate an act of God was at play in the deaths.
“It’s kind of bad for these people that they died in these floods. Well, actually it’s really bad for them. I mean sure they don’t care anymore but it still has to suck being dead, particularly if the Lord or whatever higher power those Commies believe in has done you in. That has to make the afterlife pretty sucky indeed,” said Scrape TV North Korean analyst Lee Joo-Chan. “It’s probably good for the country and certainly for the government. You don’t want traitors in your midst in any country, really, but particularly so in a country like North Korea which relies so much on secrecy and subterfuge to make it function effectively.”
The government offer no specifics on the type of betrayal those killed were engaged in.
“The only thing that makes me question the official story, not question the authorities because that could very well bring a flood to my apartment, is that so few people were killed. One would think that there are many more that could have been killed for betraying the nation but perhaps that has already happened. Perhaps these were the last of that group,” continued Lee. “Either way, the government and the nation is better off without them. Hopefully whatever power decided to eliminate them will continue to watch over the nation and the people and the Great Successor. Of course, what else would it do?”
Upon hearing the news of the deaths Kim Jong-un reportedly ate.
Emil Uliya, International Correspondent