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NEWS > EVERYONE ELSE > JOSEF FRITZL PLEADS GUILTY BEFORE REALIZING THAT PRISONS DO NOT HAVE CELLARS
JOSEF FRITZL PLEADS GUILTY BEFORE REALIZING PRISONS DO NOT HAVE CELLARS
March 19 2009
Sankt Pölten, Austria – Josef Fritzl likely never thought it would go this way. A bursting family at home and successful public persona all came crashing down on that fateful day of April 19 2008 when Fritzl’s perfect life was revealed to the public. Of course the appearance of a perfect family and the reality were two very different things and now Fritzl, some say for the good of his family, has pleaded guilty on all charges and will be imprisoned in a psychiatric hospital for the rest of his life.
The charges laid against Fritzl were extensive and it is thought that the guilty pleas were a result of the overwhelming evidence laid against the 73 year old retiree. The nature of the charges fall along the side of he said she said with the sympathy falling in the direction of daughter Elisabeth, it’s now becoming clear that Fritzl was under a misguided view that his prison cell would be equipped with a dungeon.
“In domestic situations like this it’s difficult to sort out the truth. Things become messy because of the very nature of the human spirit and sometimes police and courts just have to cut things down the line rather than continuing to search for the truth,” said Scrape TV Crime analyst Willard Weston. “In domestic cases courts in western countries generally fall on the side of the women rather than the
man, largely because of the innate prejudice of dominance and the reality that most men are the victimizers whether that’s accurate or not. There’s a very good chance that this cases is as read, but if the prosecutors did make promises to Fritzl then there could be issues.”
It has been reported that Fritzl waved his right to a retrial but that was before being informed that his new home would be dungeon-less.
“No one expects that when going to jail you will have all the amenities of home. There is little privacy, the meals aren’t exactly home cooked, and indulgences like dungeons are just not provided for in most prison systems. Amenities like toilet paper and limited television and radio are permitted, but keeping sex slaves is frowned upon in even the most liberal of countries,” continued Weston. “Aside from the impracticality of digging into solid concrete and the expense that it would cause taxpayers, the raft of requests from prisoners would 
become unwieldy. All of a sudden you would have people asking for drugs and people to rob and rape and pretty soon prison would feel like home. Pretty soon prisoners would be asking to go on day trips or vacations and that would pretty much defeat the purpose of imprisonment. My guess is that no matter what lawyers promised Fritzl will not be getting his own dungeon.”
Citizen’s throughout Austria, particularly in Fritzl’s hometown of Amstetten would also likely protest such an inclusion though not for financial reasons. Many throughout the country of 8 million are still smarting at the case, trying their best to heal and show the rest of the world that they are not all incestuous rapists.
“It’s been a tough go for Austrians over the last hundred or so years and this is just the latest disgrace for a once great country. Since the collapse of the Austro-Hungarian Empire the only real bright spot has been Arnold Schwarzenegger and honestly, as good as he was in movies like ‘Twins’
and ‘Kindergarten Cop’ his success really doesn’t make up for Hitler,” said Scrape TV Historical analyst Lars Luger. “This is a country know for people like Mozart, Strauss, and Kafka and in recent years, well, not so good. Whatever the truth of the relationship between Josef and Elisabeth Fritzl the accepted tome is just that and the last thing Austrians want is to be known only for rape and mass murder. They saw what happened to Belgium. One would hope that Fritzl doesn’t put up too much of a fuss over his lack of dungeon for the good of the country.”
In related news Elisabeth Fritzl, mother of seven, has reportedly moved into a smaller apartment just outside Amstetten due to her father’s lack of child support payments.
Emil Uliya, International Correspondent
NEWS > EVERYONE ELSE > JOSEF FRITZL PLEADS GUILTY BEFORE REALIZING THAT PRISONS DO NOT HAVE CELLARS
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