NEWS > EVERYONE ELSE > IRISH FINALLY ADMIT ACCENT WAS ALL ABOUT THE CHICKS

IRISH FINALLY ADMIT ACCENT WAS ALL ABOUT THE CHICKS

May 23 2009

Dublin, Ireland – Ireland is a land of myth and mystery; leprechauns and four-leaf clovers; drunken ditties and sectarian violence; and of course the accents. With an almost lyrical quality, the Irish accent has become the most popular English accent throughout the world. It’s also long been the hardest to imitate, leaving only natives
with the purest form and an exclusive hold on all the magical elements it possesses. Now though, a controversial proposal set before the Irish government has revealed what man suspected all along; that the accent is fake and was being used to impress women.

With varying dialects, degrees of accents, and in some cases the widespread use of Gaelic, the proposal is aimed at consolidating the English language across the Republic of Ireland. Amongst other aspects of the proposal, now in front of Prime Minister Mary McAleese, is distinct language for road signs, government documents, and communication between emergency personnel. Though not explicitly a part of the proposal, the return to the original Irish accent was recommended to the Prime Minister in an effort to keep confusion to a minimum.

“Obviously this isn’t something they wanted revealed to the world but here it is and now they will have to deal with it. I think most people realized that the accent was fake all along but to accuse an entire country of pretending to speak a certain way would just get you laughed off. Now they’ve been outed whether they like it or not,” said Scrape TV International analyst Gustav Hander. “It’ll be interesting to see how they handle this. It would be the height of pretention to keep going around pretending to talk like that when everyone knows it’s a put on.”

According to sources, the actual Irish accent is somewhere between English Geordie and The Bronx. The majority of Irish use this accent when foreigners are absent.

“The interesting thing is whether or not this is a mass delusion or a mass conspiracy. Almost like a movie when someone come from another country they have some kind
of alarm that goes off and everyone starts lilting and talking about gold at the end of the rainbow and such. One thing it’s definitely going to do is hurt their reputation across the world. Geordie and Bronx just won’t be as effective in international venues,” continued Hander. “Most people, male and female, just kind of melt when that accent hits their ears and I doubt the same thing will happen with this native brogue.”

According to Irish historians the accent began in the south of the country in the late 1800’s as a way of impressing women from the north. Gradually the accent started to take hold across the country and was adopted by women as a way of potentially attracting men. Though it was found that men were more compelled by things such as breasts and legs, the accent remained in women.

“The question here is whether or not the commonly accepted accent is the true one now. People have been using it for years and that is what defines a language and a
culture and so it may not matter if it’s ‘natural’. They have been speaking this way for a very long time, it’s been cemented in people’s minds in movies, and so it may very well be that this is their accent now,” said Scrape TV Psychology analyst Dr. Sarah Welp. “It was a stroke of genius, whoever it was that came up with this accent in the first place, because there’s no doubt that it helps them get women. Of course they are an island so all it really gets is other Irish women which, by providence of co-habitation, was likely going to happen anyway. Nonetheless it’s added a pastiche to the Irish identity in a way I’m sure their normal accent never would have and allowed natives to be far more successful in the greater world than they really should have been.”

It’s not immediately clear if the country will adopt the proposal and force people to go back to their actual accents, nor if that action would affect international stars such as U2 and Liam Neeson.   

Emil Uliya, International Correspondent

NEWS > EVERYONE ELSE > IRISH FINALLY ADMIT ACCENT WAS ALL ABOUT THE CHICKS