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YACHT COMPLETED, RUSSIAN BILLIONAIRE PLANS GIANT SPACE LASER

June 15 2009

Moscow, Russia – It has been said that the wealthy are not like regular people. The idea that the extremely wealthy are somehow separated from the rest of humanity has long been the accepted thinking; that people who achieve great wealth are simply built differently from other people. That the drive and ambition that allows them to
achieve such financial success is a result of an abstract and foreign way of thinking that ultimately leads them towards eccentricity. Of course great wealth could also allow for great indulgence, a fulfilment of the wild dreams that all people have. Whatever the cause, the result is often the same.

Such is the case with Russian billionaire Roman Abramovich who just last week accepted delivery of his new yacht. The 550 feet long is equipped with radar missile defence, escape submarine, two helipads, and an onboard security force. ‘The Eclipse’ is the largest private yacht in the world and at a cost of $500 million
demonstrates the indulgence of the wealthy like few other vessels have ever done. Now, with the newest addition to his personal Navy complete, his air force in full swing, and his private army fully staffed, Abramovich is setting sights on new territory and plans to create a giant space laser to accompany his already under construction waterborne secret lair.

“There are many super rich people in the world but very few of them spend their dollars on these types of extravagances. Most rich people keep their indulgences relatively small and personal with a few going out and giving money to charity. This ship shows that Abramovich is
a totally different kind of billionaire, the likes of which we have previously only seen in the movies,” said Scrape TV Business analyst Ken Green. “The idea of the super villain sort of took form with Osama bin Laden but his relative ineffectiveness over the last few years has eroded that love affair. With Abramovich on the scene though we are seeing James Bond style villain that I doubt anyone would have predicted in real life.”

Abramovich also owns hundreds of pieces of art, multiple homes around the world, a handful of diverse companies, and the Chelsea Football club. Many of those indulgences were outlined by Ian Fleming in his Bond novels and popularized in the movie series.

“It’s not so much the money it’s the willingness to spend on extravagant things that
hints he may be eyeing something along the lines of world domination. With the talk that he is developing some kind of ocean borne base and now a giant laser that will likely be a death ray we can pretty much assume that he is bent on control of if not the entire world, at least a good chunk of it,” continued Green. “The real problem is that we don’t have much to fight it off with. No one expected a real life Bond villain so no one made the effort to create a real life Bond. I mean spies have been sitting in offices since the end of the Cold War and so the skills required to thwart a super villain just aren’t there anymore.”

There is also speculation that the giant laser talk may simply be a diversion from the real plan, though it’s unclear what that might be.

“The thing about Bond villains is that they rarely give away their ultimate secret until
Bond has been captured and they are ready to kill him in some needlessly elaborate way which inevitably allows for his escape. It’s in those moments that we fully realize how crazy the villain is and how right Bond is in doing what he needs to do to stop him. The villain makes Bond and vice-versa,” continued Green. “That makes it likely that he has something else up his sleeve. Laser technology has never been proven effective on a practical level and so it’s likely he is simply using that to distract from his real plans. Of course all this goes for naught if he isn’t presented with a foil. Doing it isn’t the fun, it’s the challenge that’s really exciting.”

Screenwriters were recently hired for production of the latest Bond film which as yet is untitled. It’s not clear if Abramovich and his massive boat are simply a part of a massive promotional campaign. 

Emil Uliya, International Correspondent

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