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NEWS > EVERYONE ELSE > GIANT SHARK THREATENS TO DEVOUR AUSTRALIA
GIANT SHARK THREATENS TO DEVOUR AUSTRALIA
October 29 2009
Brisbane, Australia – Throughout history we have invented tales of monsters. Whether to frighten people into obedience, with entities like Satan, or to simply evoke some kind of irrational fear, with beasts like Vampires, monsters have appeared 
throughout the historical record and continue to appear today. Of course, many monsters are man-made but a few either have existed or continue to exist in the natural world. Beasts such as the Tyrannosaurus Rex and the Sabre-Toothed Tiger have haunted the imaginations of people for years. So too have living animals but none has had the power to evoke fear like the Great White Shark.
First popularized as an insatiable killer in the movie ‘Jaws’ the Great White has only evoked more and more fear as time has passed. Cited as the perfect killer, a beast seemingly capable of nothing but eating, the White represents our most basic of fears. It is that fear that the people of Australia have long had to deal with, living as they do surrounded by one the healthiest populations of the animal. For many years the people of that continent have been able to overcome the White but that appears to be longer. With the discovery of a 10 foot shark bitten nearly in half by a Great White it appears the country has finally met its match, a super-predator of unstoppable power.
“Drum lines and shark nets are used to defend swimmers from sea predators. The capture of this shark and the indication that there is a much larger predator out there means the defences are working and that they must be kept in place in order to keep the people of Australia safe and alive,” said Fisheries minister Tim Mulherin. “We do realize that we are dealing with an animal of significant proportions and we would advise all swimmers in the Queensland area to act with caution. We are resetting the lines as we speak but we must be frank; this is a major predator and if it wants to eat you it will. We cannot guarantee your safety.”
Mulherin did say that people who stayed on land were likely safe, at least for the moment. Despite its likely massive size, the government does not believe that the shark has evolved the ability to walk on land and start devouring cities whole.
“More than likely what we are seeing here is an incident, and an animal, that will be isolated in the water. People should feel free to walk around and live their lives on land but of course it is much more dangerous to conduct business in the water, something that could be devastating to professional surfers and others who make a living in the water,” said Peter Kingsbridge of the University of Queensland. “It could also seriously infringe on things like shipping, which the country relies one to survive. If this beast starts tearing holes in the sides of sea vessels then it’s likely the country will either have to be shut down or we will have to put out the money to hire someone to kill it. That could be a particular issue because summer here in Oz is fast approaching.”
One of the biggest sources of revenue for Australia is tourism, dollars which would be eaten up by the massive killer shark once it was done with swimmers.
“Simply put Australia cannot stand to suffer another serious setback. They have already sided with the terrorists, which is bad enough, but this just destroys any chance at goodwill they might still have had. I sincerely doubt anyone will want to come to the country if the ocean is stained with blood,” said Scrape TV International analyst Gustav Hander. “In many ways this particular issue isn’t their fault, though they have been tempting sharks with appetizing meals for years, but it just seems like a perfect storm that is conspiring to bring the country back into the Stone Age. Hopefully they will bite the bullet and get this thing solved.”
Some have taken to throwing Foster’s into the ocean in an effort to appease the mighty beast. Thus far there have been no noticeable results.
Emil Uliya, International Correspondent
NEWS > EVERYONE ELSE > GIANT SHARK THREATENS TO DEVOUR AUSTRALIA
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