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NEWS > EVERYONE ELSE > ICELANDIC PROTESTS TURN VIOLENT; GOVERNMENT MAKES PLANS TO SELL NATION

ICELANDIC PROTESTS TURN VIOLENT; GOVERNMENT MAKES PLANS TO SELL NATION

November 26 2008

Reykjavik, Iceland – As the world’s financial markets continue to sigh, nations around the world are dealing as best as they can in trying to make ends meets. From Japan, to the United States, to Europe, governments and businesses are struggling to make ends meet. Of all the nations of the world there is none more profoundly affected than the tiny nation of Iceland, much to everyone’s surprise.

Protests in the nation’s capital turned violent after the country’s three biggest banks collapsed under the weight of debt accumulated after aggressive international expansion. The 320,000 person has been forced to borrow 10 billion dollars from the International Monetary Fund and various European countries, all loaned with the promise that the government won’t ever try to be an actual country ever again. The nation’s leaders have now considered putting the entire nation up for sale to pay off those debts.

“We have obviously overstepped ourselves and we must now do the right thing to pay back our debtors. While we understand that many of our people may be upset by the possibility of being sold, they have to understand that it is the best thing in the long run,” said President Ólafur Ragnar Grímsson. “As for the protests, well we will deal with them. We will ensure that these types of problems will not be a problem for any potential buyers. We will also put a new paint of coat on the buildings and ensure that we dress our cities to give the best impression.”

So far there have been no firm bids on the nation. Said to be interested are former owner Denmark, Finland, and surprisingly Zimbabwe.

“For a former Nordic nation there is a natural affinity. The interest from Zimbabwe is surprising considering they have easily the most depressed economy in the world. I also don’t see how it would be a particularly wise investment for them, for anyone really,” said Scrape TV business analyst Ken Green. “Aside from Bjork and hiding from Vikings Iceland really doesn’t have a whole lot going on. They have some potential for Geothermal power production if that ever takes off, but besides that you aren’t investing in a whole lot. I can’t see it as anything but a vanity purchase.”

Financial experts were at odds over what kind of market value the country has given its relatively low population. The nation does have one of the highest GDP’s in the world which is expected to be a major selling point.

“Location is absolutely the most important selling point in any kind of real estate purchase which will limit the suitors for the country,” said Scrape TV Real Estate Analyst Ann Lewis. “It was fine when you were trying to escape Viking attacks but that simply isn’t as much of an issue as it used to be. I’d recommend that they fill in their lakes and rivers, replace the cabinet doors and if possible finish the basements. Those moves would go a long way to increasing the value in most sellers eyes. The market value won’t be extraordinarily high but they should be able to generate a high enough selling point to pay down their debts. It’s not often countries go up for sale, well at least not white countries that haven’t been exploited for centuries. I expect that at the very least will go a long way to increasing visibility.”

Reportedly Iceland’s most famous export, pop star Bjork, will star in a series of videos promoting the more attractive selling points of the nation, whatever those points may be.  

Emil Uliya, International Correspondent

NEWS > EVERYONE ELSE > ICELANDIC PROTESTS TURN VIOLENT; GOVERNMENT MAKES PLANS TO SELL NATION

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