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KIM JONG-IL DEAD? REPLACED BY PUPPET?
September 9 2008
Pyongyang, North Korea –Rumours are abound that Kim Jong-il, notorious dictator of South Korea has either died, fallen severely ill, or even passed away years ago and has been replaced by lookalikes ever since. His failure to appear at ceremonies marking the sixtieth anniversary of the founding of North Korea has caused even more of a stir in the intelligence community.
Talk that Kim had died many years ago started to surface in August after an article published in the Japanese newspaper Shukan Gendai. Circumstantial evidence seemed to back up the claim, though no hard evidence was presented. The latest talk of a possible stroke would seem to put a damper on the theory, but would likely result in the same outcome.
“If Kim did in fact die five years ago and was replaced by lookalikes, it would hardly be surprising,” said Scrape TV North Korean analyst Lee Joo-Chan. “If that is untrue and he has just recently become ill or died, it’s likely the regime would implement this procedure in order to cover it up. Whether the original story spawned the idea or vice-versa is an intellectual debate. I have little doubt that they would cover up his death whenever it happens. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s around in one form or another for many years to come.”
North Korea is of course extremely closed and isolated from the rest of the world, so uncovering reliable information concerning any goings-on in the country is extremely difficult. That process is even more complicated when it comes to information about the “Dear Leader” whose face is plastered across the country and is revered in some ways close to a God.
“Kim is more than a leader, he has positioned himself as the life blood of the people and it would be incumbent on the government to maintain his existence whether it was fact or not. Kim has thrived on misinformation for many years and this would be no different,” continued Lee. “I think the more interesting talk would be how many people in the country could emulate him. The bouffant hairdo is hard to come by these days and even in North Korea I can’t imagine a whole lot of people lining up to double for a pudgy delusional midget. Of course they may not have a choice.”
The other option of course would be using stock footage of the dictator for public appearances and limit meetings with foreign dignitaries. There is at least one instance of footage being used in place of a live appearance, wherein footage from the movie ‘Team America: World Police’ was accidently broadcast across the country. That film features a literal puppet of Kim. The footage was quickly pulled and seems to have had no ill effects on the leader’s reputation.
“Kim is a very unique person to say the least, and I think it would be very difficult to replace him,” concluded Lee. “Of course with the way North Korea is run, fooling the people wouldn’t be an issue. I hope the South Park guys kept their puppets, they may come in handy again.”Neither Matt Stone, Trey Parker, nor the North Korean government had any comment.