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NEWS > EVERYONE ELSE > PEACE TALKS BREAK DOWN IN FACE OF NAME CALLING

PEACE TALKS BREAK DOWN IN FACE OF NAME CALLING

May 12 2008

Jerusalem, Israel – Dozens of attempts have been over the years to broker a long standing truce between Israel and her neighbours. With the exception of Egypt, all those attempts have been thwarted by one side or the other in what has always seemed to be a pattern of self destruction bent on a permanent state of conflict. The most recent talks, conducted in secret and revealed by a government source, between the Palestinian authority and the Israeli Government seems to have broken down over a totally new issue.

"It appeared as though things were moving forward. Not a breakthrough mind you, but healthy conversation,” said the source. “Apparently one of the Palestinian negotiators called Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert an ass. When our side heard that, we ended of the talks. We’ve gotten past the point where that kind of behaviour should be tolerated. We are not going to negotiate with name callers, especially not terrorist name callers.”

The Palestinian side has a different view of the negotiations though, saying that the talks broke down over the typical issues; borders and right of return, and that no member of their negotiating team cast any remarks one way or the other on the Prime Minister.

“It is typical Israeli tactics, spread lies and hate to gain favour with the world,” said an insider. “They cast us as the villains and themselves as hapless victims. They’re a bunch of jerks.”

A senior US negotiator who has spent a lot of time dealing with the Middle East situation over the years chimed on the condition of anonymity. “It’s always a he said she said type of thing between them. That’s the real secret of the conflict between them. There is a lot of pettiness and immaturity. You wouldn’t think so but it happens to the best of us. There won’t ever be peace in the Middle East unless they stop being such idiots.”

As of yet there is no word as to when the negotiations might resume.

Continued the negotiator; “They need to get past these petty little issues if they want to make real progress. It’s like the kids in high school, they fight and fight but they really want to hook up. But these are grown ups, it’s time for them to stop being such babies.

Emil Uliya, International Correspondent

NEWS > EVERYONE ELSE > PEACE TALKS BREAK DOWN IN FACE OF NAME CALLING