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NEWS > EVERYONE ELSE > U.S. AND POLAND AGREE ON MISSILES FOR SAUSAGES PACT

U.S. AND POLAND AGREE ON MISSILES FOR SAUSAGES PACT

August 14 2008

Warsaw, Poland – The U.S. and Poland have inked a deal to place 10 new missiles in the country, and extension of the already existing ‘missile shield’. In exchange for the missile placement, the U.S. has agreed to release the levy they had been holding on Kielbasa imports from the eastern European country.

Amongst other details of the agreement, the U.S. has agreed to help modernize Polish forces. In return polish officials have agreed to reduce spice levels in exported sausages to appease more delicate American stomachs.

“We are now harvesting the fruit of many months of hard work,'' said Polish Foreign Minister Radoslaw Sikorski at a joint press conference with U.S. Undersecretary of State John Rood in Warsaw. “Only people of ill intent should fear this agreement.''

“The purpose of the system is to protect our European allies from any rogue threats such as a missile from Iran,” said White House spokesperson. “And we would like to make a concerted effort to expand the palate of American diners while still keeping issues such as indigestion in mind.”

While sausages of all types have been on American barbeques for years, most are actually manufactured in the U.S. rather than in their native countries. Exports from Poland have slowly increased since the collapse of the Soviet Union and officials on both sides see this mutual agreement as the last stage in cooling relations.

“We are proud to have the United States as our partner and friend. We feel that this new agreement will benefit peoples of both countries and give us a platform on which to move forward through the twentieth century,” continued Sikorski.

While both partners in the agreement seem happy, one party, Russia, has already voiced its objections. Coming as it does on the heels of the week old Georgian offensive which has sparked harsh rhetoric between the two former rivals. This new agreement is sure to bring only more concern.  

While the Russian government has made no official statement on the deal, Sikorski did acknowledge that Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov had postponed a planned visit to Warsaw which had been planned for next month, though there is nothing to suggest the two events are directly related.

“Russia has made no secret that they oppose the missile shield. It can’t be very comfortable to have American missiles right on their border no matter how positive the relationship between the two countries may be,” said Scrape TV political analyst Gabriel Kinsey. “It’s also well known that the Russians have been investing heavily in meat production over the last few years, specifically focussing on sausages. They can’t be happy that this has gone through and may actually look at it as a deliberate move on the part of the U.S. It can’t be a good thing to continue to isolate the Russians in this way; hopefully we won’t see any overreactions from either side.”

Currently, the plan is to have the missiles in place and operational by 2012. Sausage exports are expected to begin in September.

Emil Uliya, International Correspondent

NEWS > EVERYONE ELSE > U.S. AND POLAND AGREE ON MISSILES FOR SAUSAGES PACT