NEWS > NEWS OF THE FUTURE >AMERICAN FORCES LAUNCH FRESH ASSAULT ON BRAZILIAN FORCES IN SPIRALING CHOCOLATE WAR

AMERICAN FORCES LAUNCH FRESH ASSAULT ON BRAZILIAN FORCES IN SPIRALING CHOCOLATE WAR

April 19 2033 (Published February 16 2009)

Rio de Janeiro, Brazil – US Marines launched a fresh assault against Brazilian forces in the coastal city of Natal. The assault was the latest in a series of advances the US military has made in recent days as they execute ‘Project Xocoatl’, aimed at weakening Brazilian attacks on US held fields and securing chocolate freedom for all Americans.

“At approximately 0700 local time United States Marines, supported aerial bombardment, were able to successfully negate an enemy bas in the inside the city of Natal. We believe this base was the launching point for a number of attacks against American interests in the region and further believe that we have quelled the uprising,” said General David Walters, commander of the US forces in Brazil. “Our job here is to secure cacao fields for the peace and stability of the entire region and we will quell any rebel uprising. This surge has significantly reduced attacks on American forces and we will continue our operations until all Americans soldiers and interests are safe and secure.”
The assault in Natal also came on the second anniversary of official military action in the country which in recent months has been burdened by guerrilla attacks and suicide bombings that have left score of American soldiers dead and a number of plantations left in opposition hands.

“It appears that the surge is effective in pushing back rebel assaults but it’s going to be a long time before the average American can sit back and enjoy a chocolate bar without fear of going into bankruptcy,” said Scrape TV South American analyst Walter Pereira. “The major difficulty that American forces are facing is that they did not act soon enough. As the prices for cacao started to escalate criminal elements were able to get a foothold in sales and that money is what is financing the conflict now. If the US government had acted sooner rather than paying the exorbitant prices they would not mired in such a conflict. American children also would have enjoyed Easter for the first time in a decade.”

Before the start of hostilities in the region, President Ramirez vowed that Easter would be held the following year. His inability to deliver those results, as well as the escalating deaths, has led some in the GOP to call for his impeachment.

“President Ramirez has proven himself incapable of delivering an effective military campaign against what is essentially a group of terrorists and he should not be allowed to continue to sacrifice American lives for a losing battle,” said Senator Dianne Feist, Ramirez’s rival in the last election. “American lives are being lost daily and we are not gaining any ground on these elements. The President needs to take tough action on these terrorists as well as those who finance them.”

The Ramirez government has close ties with the Abrega government who many accuse of double dealing. Feist herself made a point of signalling out Abrega’s personal support of the Xochiquetzal Liberation Front (XLF) and his ties to known cacao crime Amado Santiago of Ecuador.

“I can assure you that the President is very aware of what is going on in Brazil He is deeply concerned about the lives being lost there and wants to assure the American people that we are doing all we can to not only keep American soldiers safe but also to put chocolate back on American store shelves,” said White House spokesperson Jeanne Hawkins. “As for participating with President Abrega people need to understand that he is the democratically elected leader of Brazil and has been an important partner in American cacao interests in the region. We completely respect the Abrega government and are working closely with them to achieve all of our mutual goals.”  

In related news, European Union forces have successfully fought off an assault by the Liberian military on the Cote D’Ivoire plantations near Daloa.

“It’s really amazing to think that we were fighting the same kinds of wars over oil just thirty years ago. Now we have a generation of children growing up not knowing what real chocolate tastes like,” continued Pereira. “I remember chocolate. I remember going into a convenience store and buying a chocolate bar on a whim but those days are long behind us.”

Reports that Cadbury troops have begun moving into Bolivia after incurring attacks from that region have proven untrue. Cadbury officials confirmed that there troops had suffered no recent attacks. 

Troy Takahachi, Future Correspondent

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