EXPERTS DECLARE GOLDENEYE THE GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT IN HUMAN HISTORY
December 26 2009
Washington, D.C. – In it’s time the Nintendo 64 was poorly regarded. With an awkward and very unusual controller, clunky and expensive cartridges, and a dearth of games compared to its principal competitor, the Play Station, the N64 was considered
quaint and behind the times. That attitude has changed in recent years as the rose-coloured haze settles over the system’s legacy and the quality of a select few games on the platform. Games like ‘Ocarina of Time’ and ‘Mario 64’ are now regarded as two of the best and most influential titles ever produced but even they pale in comparison to one other title.
Nothing should have worked for ‘GoldenEye 007’. The game was released two years after the film, which itself was regarded rather poorly. It was released on the less popular of the two major platforms at the time and it was, in the end, a movie adaptation, a genre which before and after has routinely turned out trash. Despite all that the game became a massive
hit for the system and nostalgia over the title continues to place it high on virtually every list of the best titles ever made. Now a new study has determined that not only is it deserving of that praise but that it is in fact the most important creation in the history of humankind and likely will remain so until the end of our existence on this planet.
“Many people and many groups have tried to determine what are the most important developments in the history of humanity but we feel that we have created the most complete and thorough list ever assembled. While many of these lists have focussed on developments in prehistory we choose to include modern developments alongside those,” said Kevin Kendrick, leader of the study. “Yes the wheel is on there, so is fire, the plough, the
microchip, the printing press, and language but in our determination all of those things were working towards one end, GoldenEye 007 for the Nintendo 64. Further, we believe that this particular development will never be topped. We realize it is a controversial choice but we feel it is an honest one and lends veracity to the list.”
Since its release, the title has sold over eight million copies and inspired numerous copycats including the legendary ‘Halo’, ‘Half-Life’, and ‘Call of Duty’ series of games.
“Most developments are in constant use and that ups their value but also doesn’t allow things to settle. For example we use the wheel everyday but it is exactly that familiarity that makes it less important. We have to use
it so it’s important, we don’t have to play GoldenEye but we do. That sets it apart
from other inventions,” continued Kendrick. “There are lots of things that go into making the title so great but it is the multiplayer which really changed the game, so to speak, and changed gaming forever. As we all know these other developments were simply steps towards the eventual rise of videogames, GoldenEye is the best example of games, and therefore it is the greatest development in the history of the species.”
GoldenEye has never been re-released for any platform further lending to the legendary status of the title which has maintained its popularity on an antiquated platform.
“I’m sure many anthropologists have never even considered looking at any videogames in this context but hopefully this list will help change that attitude. Most have focussed on practical items and their level of ubiquity but hopefully they will be able to think outside the box a little,” said Scrape TV Gaming analyst Graeme Hawthorne. “I would personally place ‘Super Metroid’ at the top of the list, but then I’m a gamer and not an Anthropologist so they may be better equipped to make the list.”
The research, which was funded in part by the Department of Health and Human Services, noted that using Oddjob was still a no-no regardless of the game’s importance in the evolution of our species.
Douglas Havermore, Games Correspondent