NEWS > HEALTH > DOCTOR PIONEERING USE OF COMAS ON DEMAND

DOCTOR PIONEERING USE OF COMAS ON DEMAND

July 2 2009

Los Angeles, CA – Washington Irving’s tale of Rip Van Winkle is widely considered one of the great tales of American Literature. First published in 1819, the tale of a Dutch settler who accidently falls asleep for twenty years and wakes in a world he no
longer recognizes is part parable and part wish fulfilment for many. Escaping a nagging wife, Van Winkle wakes to find her and his friends dead and the country changed after the Revolutionary war. Though no one has ever actually fallen asleep for twenty years coma patients have often had a similar experience of waking to a world they no longer know.

That jumping into the future is something doctors have long sought. Processes such as cryonics are just the latest attempt at sending people into the future by simply maintaining their bodies until a time when they can be woken. That process, like many others that have attempted similar things, has never proven overly successful but now a Los Angeles doctor feels he may have the solution to the long sought after fantasy of not having to wait for anything with on demand comas.

“The process is actually very simple. We have the technology to place people into comas, it is the same thing we do when a person is severely injured and needs to heal. Those induced comas dramatically reduce the bodies processes and allows their joints and limbs to rest, dramatically increasing the length of time they stay vital. We are also of course able to control food intake and thus things like heart disease and diabetes,” said Dr. Fredrick Walker, head of S.L.E.E.P. “Not only will we be able to preserve life for a longer period of time, but it allows people to see the future and, if desired, escape the circumstances of their present. Take this economic crisis for example. I’m sure there are more than a few people who would like to sleep through this.”

The details and cost of the on demand comas has not yet been settled but Dr. Walker has reportedly received millions in financing from private sources.

“The advantage this process would have over something like Rip Van Winkle is of course a controlled environment. Proper nutrition, free from wildlife and the elements, the advantages over the character in Washington’s tale are enormous though likely so will be the costs,” said Scrape TV
Science analyst Dr. Howard Poe. “I don’t think you can dispute the interest something like this will generate or how much debate it will cause both in medical and ethical circles. Obviously there are serious risks involved both in respect to the person themselves but also to their material possessions. People get robbed when they go away on vacation so you can imagine what it will be like if they go into a coma for five or ten years. We also don’t yet know what kind of impact this will have on the body. The mind should be fine, but the body simply wasn’t designed to work this way.”

Walker indicated that the comas will not be offered to everyone and that those seeking the process will have to undergo rigorous physical
and psychological testing before being allowed to enter the program.

“This will of course also play havoc with the economy. People will potentially live longer meaning more strain on the pension system. You will also have people routinely waking from their comas and expecting to jump back into work but I think it’s going to be a hard sell to get employers to hold jobs for extended periods. Those are details that really will need to be worked out,” continued Poe. “If all of those details can be ironed out though there is a lot of potential for a lot of people to make a lot of money from this. I’m sure there are more than a few men who would love to go into a coma to escape their wife’s nagging. Of course then they will have to wake up and worry about them spending money on the coma, but that’s all a part of being married.”

Sales of Rip Van Winkle spiked on the announcement, though it’s not believed that any publishers have participated in the financing of the project.  

Lauren Hebert, Health Correspondent  

NEWS > HEALTH > DOCTOR PIONEERING USE OF COMAS ON DEMAND