NEWS > HEALTH > DOCTORS EXPLORING ORGAN REMOVAL AS WEIGHT LOSS MIRACLE

DOCTORS EXPLORING ORGAN REMOVAL AS WEIGHT LOSS MIRACLE

March 27 2009

Washington, DC – The weight loss industry has made millions off the struggle that many people endure trying to maintain a healthy body size. From established diet programs like ‘Jenny Craig’ to fad diets like ‘Atkins’ to fly by night operations promising instant weight loss people desperate to lose weight are willing to try nearly anything in the hopes of looking good in a bathing suit or at the very least live longer.

Scientists have also been exploring a solution to obesity, to date though both medical and psychological cures have fallen flat in the long term. The standard solution for most patients has been eating sensibly and exercising and though the long term benefits of such advice has proven itself over and over again in the majority of patients, there are some who would rather not make the effort and it’s those people who are the target of a brand new and very radical new procedure that may once and for all cure the obesity epidemic.

“Essentially the process involves removing vital internal organs which will force people to lose weight whether or not they like it. This process will require absolutely no will power or extreme physical
exertion because the process of over-eating will actually become dangerous,” said Dr. James Washington of the research group FASL. “The degree of organ removal will depend on the level of weight loss desired as well as the level of medical coverage the patient has. We feel this new process will totally revolutionize the weight loss industry and add decades of collective life to the general population.”

Organ removal will range from small and non life threatening pieces such as the Gall Bladder to more essential organs such as the stomach.

“In the case of stomach removal we sill simply connect the Esophagus directly to the small intestine. The patient will of course have an extremely limited diet, but sacrifice is needed if one wants to lose weight,” continued Washington. “The major advantage of this form of weight loss is that there
is very little effort involved. Not only is exercise not needed to lose weight patients undergoing the high end version of this operation will not even be able to exercise even if they wanted to. We feel this is the solution people struggling with obesity have been looking for for decades.”

The Gall Bladder is considered a non-essential organ but others such as the stomach, pancreas, and kidneys are generally deemed essential for survival due to their role in breaking down food and allowing essential nutrients to be absorbed into the bloodstream.

“It’s an interesting theory and some, like say the removal of a lung, may have real practical effects. In that situation people will be full by the time they can catch their breath and they just won’t be able to stuff their mouths the way they used to,” said Scrape TV Medical analyst Dr. Phillip Waites. “The major risk of this type of surgery is of course death. Removing one kidney or one lung or even part of the intestines is traumatic enough but liveable. Removal of the stomach is a different story. Even the pancreas poses significant health risk. What many people don’t quite comprehend about eating is that it is not
the ingestion of food that is essential to survival it is the absorption of nutrients as the food passes through the digestive system. Removing parts of that will disrupt the body’s ability to maintain things like brain activity or a beating heart.”

Doctor’s are also looking into the possibility of removing the esophagus and possibly tongue in order to eliminate the psychological effects of eating.

“Concerns aside I have little doubt that this will result in massive weight loss and a fundamental shift in the commercial industry related to
that. I mean just by virtue of loss of liquids and the rapid descent into black putrefaction the loss of inches will be very noticeable. Eventually skeletonization will occur and you can’t get much skinnier than that,” continued Waites. “Of course death severely restricts the options when shopping for a bathing suit but who knows, there may be a whole new industry that rises around that. Inevitably if people want a quick and easy way to lose weight this is it and I think the organizations like Jenny Craig are going to have to revamp their model if they want to survive.”

The organization behind the organ removal diet will begin offering the service in the Beverly Hills area and expand from there to the rest of the country.   

Lauren Hebert, Health Correspondent

NEWS > HEALTH > DOCTORS EXPLORING ORGAN REMOVAL AS WEIGHT LOSS MIRACLE