NEWS > HEALTH > TEXAS EVEN DOES WEST NILE BIGGER THAN ANYONE ELSE WITH LARGEST OUTBREAK IN U.S. HISTORY
TEXAS EVEN DOES WEST NILE BIGGER THAN ANYONE ELSE WITH LARGEST OUTBREAK IN U.S. HISTORY
August 22 2012
Austin, TX – The people of Texas have always taken pride in doing things bigger than everyone else. Bigger barbecues, bigger waistlines, and bigger attitudes have long dominated the philosophical and mental state of the state. Now the people of Texas have one more boast to add to their very large repertoire.
An outbreak of West Nile virus in the country has reached record proportions, so big in fact that it is the largest in U.S. history with more than 1100 people now infected with the disease across 38 states, the majority of them in Texas where the virus first started to emerge.
While experts have not yet been able to track the source of the disease, much of it has been pinned on unusually warm weather and general dislike of spraying for mosquitoes, the carriers of the virus, by Texas officials because they were told they needed to do that. Texans, of course, don’t like being told what to do even if it ultimately endangers the lives of their citizens and people across the country, especially when it’s Liberals coming down to their state and telling them what to do, damned Liberal commies.
“The peak of West Nile virus epidemics usually occurs in mid-August, but it takes a couple of weeks for people to get sick, go to the doctor and get reported,” said Dr. Lyle Peterson of the CDC. “Thus we expect many more cases to occur.”
More than 50 percent of the infections, including 21 deaths, have occurred in Texas.
Other afflicted states include Mississippi, South Dakota, and Oklahoma but their outbreaks are not nearly as big as the one in Texas.
“Most people don’t even really know about this disease, or at least don’t know how deadly it can be and certainly don’t take very many precautions to deal with it. I mean it’s just skeeters after all, you swat ‘em and they’re dead but unfortunately by the time you feel them you are already infected on the path towards illness and possibly death,” said Scrape TV Health analyst Rebecca Phelps. “Obviously it is preferable to not get infected and to avoid mosquito bites at all opportunities but particularly now. A regular bite is annoying but one laced with West Nile is something else entirely. That’s a mighty big itch, I can tell you, and not one even people in Texas are going to want to deal with.”
Despite the outbreak, Texas officials really haven’t done anything to stop the spread owing in large part to the Liberals media agenda, abortion, and of course gay marriage.
“Unfortunately this is a deadly disease, not Ebola deadly but still very dangerous and a whole more lot more insidious than Ebola. You are far more likely to be bit by a mosquito than a monkey after all so the chance of infection is dramatically higher,” continued Phelps. “People need to watch for symptoms which include fever, headache, vomiting, paralysis, coma and death. Well, that latter one is more a result than a symptom but should be included in there. Unfortunately there is no record of big egos preventing infection or the worst aspects of the disease, even a Texas-sized ego. It has nothing to do with in fact and they should really be taking better precautions.”
Big fat people, of which there are many in Texas, are amongst the most vulnerable because of the large skin mass they possess.
Lauren Hebert, Health Correspondent