BIDEN DAUGHTER BRINGS WHITE BACK INTO WHITE HOUSE

March 29 2009

Washington, DC – It’s fair to say the America’s war on drugs hasn’t been overly successful. With ever more vocal advocates promoting the legalization of drugs and a spiralling war in Mexico that not only threatens that country but the United States as well, even Nancy Reagan would likely admit the initiative’s failure. That failure couldn’t be clearer than it is now with news that a video of Ashley Biden snorting cocaine has been making the media rounds.

Ashley, the youngest daughter of Vice-President Joseph Biden, the man who coined the term ‘Drug Czar’, was apparently perfectly fine with her recorded violation of state and federal law, at least according to the friend who shot the video. While the recording adds to a long history of latchkey kids of famous politicians many are seeing the incident as a little more severe due to the fact that Biden is a 27 year old grown woman.

“You would expect silly behaviour from a teenager or a young adult but at 27 you have to have a little more responsibility and snorting cocaine on camera just isn’t responsible,” said Scrape TV Political analyst Gabriel Kinsey. “There is the distinct possibility that she didn’t realize that her father was the Vice-President of the United States, despite the fact that she campaigned for him. From what the tape shows it’s entirely possible that she was coked up through the whole campaign period or that she is suffering some kind of delusions. He might have difficulty justifying her drug use by saying she was high, but you never know.”

Snorting cocaine can result in paranoid delusions and hallucinations. Long term use can have severe medical and psychological effects depending on the severity of use. It can also lead to name calling with terms such as crack whore.

“The evidence isn’t in yet but it appears that she is a practised user and generally speaking highs start to diminish as you go along. That is the main argument against Marijuana, that it leads to people seeking greater and greater highs so it is
entirely possible that if she isn’t doing crack now she will sometime in the future, and that just isn’t good politics,” continued Kinsey. “While it’s true that parents can’t be responsible for everything their children do the truth is they are coloured by their offspring’s actions and in this case, are coloured white.”

While it’s unlikely that the scandal will comprise Biden significantly or rub off on President Obama, the political minefield created by the situation will undoubtedly leave the administration answering difficult questions at a time of great social and economic peril.

“The last thing they need right now is a scandal and leverage for their opponents to smear them with so many things going on in the country. Of course it is the White House but I don’t think
bringing that talk into the discussion is a healthy thing. No one wants to bring up the image of the President meeting with world leaders in white face,” continued Kinsey. “The other issue with this is one of the slang terms for cocaine, China. While most English speakers won’t have an issue translation could become a problem and the last thing you want to do right now is make the Chinese angry. There wouldn’t really be much justification for them to get upset but Obama is a new President and some people will use anything they can to try and test him, even hard drugs. There’s a very good chance that this isn’t going to end well if does indeed prove to be true. That’s going to anger a lot of weed smokers too.”

For the record, Ashley Biden’s profession is listed as ‘Social Worker’ and not crack whore. 

Edward Bastil, Political Correspondent

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