NEWS >POLITICS > HERMAN CAIN DROPS OUT OF PRESIDENTIAL RACE TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH HIS WOMEN
HERMAN CAIN DROPS OUT OF PRESIDENTIAL RACE TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH HIS WOMEN
December 3 2011
Washington, D.C. – One more candidate is out of the race for President of the United States after Herman Cain announced on Saturday that he will drop out. Cain, who just a few weeks ago had been the polling champion, has been dogged by persistent rumours of sexually improprieties which eventually started to have an impact on his public perception.
Cain, the former CEO of Godfather’s Pizza, had been accused amongst other things of having a 13 year affair with a woman and engaging in a variety of other sexual silliness. Speculation about the end of his campaign had been rolling around for the last few weeks, but no Cain has finally confirmed that chatter, choosing instead to spend more time with all his many, many female admirers.
“As of today, with a lot of prayer and soul searching, I am suspending my presidential campaign," Cain said at an event in Atlanta. "I am suspending my presidential campaign because of the continued distraction, the continued hurt . . . on me, on my family, not because we are not fighters, not because I am not a fighter.”
The most recent claim, the long term affair, appeared to be the final nail for Cain’s campaign which had stayed buoyant despite more than a dozen accusations.
Cain had been at the top of the polling, surprisingly, for a number of weeks but with the surge of Newt Gingrich has fallen far behind.
According to insiders, the lack of room at the White House for all his many women was not a major factor in pulling out of the race.
“Really, Cain achieved far more than he ever could have dreamt. He is going up against seasoned politicians, some of whom have been on the national scene for years. It was always going to be an uphill battle for him and he did remarkably well. If nothing else, this will likely get him some work, and probably lots of tail,” said Scrape TV Political analyst Gabriel Kinsey. “That is the legacy here for Cain. He likely never had a real shot at being President but he has put his name out there for everyone to see. That will pay dividends both in his bank account and in the number and diversity of the women he is able to get.”
It’s not yet clear how diverse Cain’s sexual appetites are, but it is expected that he will have plenty to choose from, all shapes, sizes, and colours.
“It’s really too bad that he couldn’t have made a more serious go of it. If he had been able to hold on and maybe win a primary or two his pool would be much larger to choose from, but he’s probably got more than enough to last him a lifetime. It would have been better had he become President, but that brings its own complications of course,” continued Kinsey. “Now he will be able to do whatever, and whoever, he wants out of the public eye and that is really, obviously, what he has wanted all along. This has been the best dating program in history, really. Good on Cain.”
Cain celebrated the end of campaign with a whole lot of women.
Edward Bastil, Political Correspondent