NEWS >POLITICS > ERIC HOLDER THRILLED TO FINALLY FREE HIMSELF OF FAST AND FURIOUS NONSENSE
ERIC HOLDER THRILLED TO FINALLY FREE HIMSELF OF FAST AND FURIOUS NONSENSE
September 20 2012
Washington, D.C. – Eric Holder is a free man, and still steadily employed following a months long investigation into the fast and Furious operation. Holder had been at the centre of that failed gun-running operation and worked hard to make sure that everyone be held accountable for the failure.
And, it appears, everyone has been held accountable. The investigators found that at least 14 employees of the Department of Justice were culpable in some fashion for the disastrous operation and recommended disciplinary action for all of them. One employee, Jason Weinstein, has resigned his position with the department in the wake of the ruling.
Holder, of course, has routinely denied any involvement in the operation and any responsibility whatsoever for the actions his employees took. Because of that, Holder was not amongst those mentioned in the reports and will not face any type of action against him which is of course exactly what he was looking for because he did nothing wrong, or at least nothing wrong that he should get in trouble for because everyone else did stuff wrong, he just kind of hung out in his office and man, when he heard what happened he was so angry. So angry.
“Indeed, no one responsible for the case at either ATF Phoenix Field Division or the U.S. Attorney's Office in Arizona raised a serious question or concern about the government not taking earlier measures to disrupt a trafficking operation that
continued to purchase firearms with impunity for many months,” read the report in part. “This failure reflected a significant lack of oversight and urgency by both ATF and the U.S. Attorney's Office in Phoenix, and a disregard by both for the safety of individuals in the United States and Mexico.”
Holder, it’s believed, will now be burdened with disciplining his employees and finding a replacement for one which is something he likely isn’t looking forward to.
Holder will also go on like nothing else happened and would prefer it if no one ever brought up fast and furious again, thank you very much, not even the movies.
“I‘m sure everyone involved, aside from the people who are in trouble, are glad this has finally come to an end. I mean I’m sure the people who are in trouble are glad it’s over just not so happy with the results which is perfectly reasonable I guess,” said Scrape TV Political analyst Gabriel Kinsey. “Holder has to be pretty happy though. I mean he didn’t really get in trouble despite it being his employees who clearly did everything. Guess it’s good to be the King.”
Holder, it’s believed, celebrated with a glass of wine, possibly even two, and a late movie after deciding to come into work late the next day.
“Clearly this is also a good thing for the Obama administration and their election chances. I mean I don’t think anyone really understand this whole thing or how Holder was involved but still, it’s a good thing it’s over and done with because it could have been embarrassing,” continued Kinsey. “Luckily it’s not now and everyone can just move on with their lives, even the people who got in trouble. They certainly have learned their lesson and I’m sure will refrain from gun running in the future. I’m sure they’re really just happy their boss didn’t get in trouble, that’s all any employee can ask for.”
Holder, it’s believed, has asked subordinates to hand out the discipline.
Edward Bastil, Political Correspondent