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NEWS >POLITICS > ACORN ENCOURAGING NON EXISTENT REGISTRANTS TO ACTUALLY VOTE

ACORN ENCOURAGING NON EXISTENT REGISTRANTS TO ACTUALLY VOTE

October 27 2008

New Orleans, LA – Already embroiled in controversy over possible fraudulent voter registration, Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now (ACORN) is reportedly encouraging those fictional voters they have registered to actually vote on November 4th.

The organization has reportedly placed calls to potential voters such as Mickey Mouse, Big Bird, and Jack Sparrow amongst others encouraging them to come out and place votes for President. It is not clear which candidate the organization is officially endorsing, though they have in the past been friendly to Democratic nominee Barack Obama.

“Sending in false registrations in order to make more money is obviously very fraudulent but unto itself isn’t going to have an impact on the outcome of the election,” said Scrape TV political analyst Gabriel Kinsey. “If somehow these non-existent people were to actually show up and cast a ballot then we would have a major issue. It would be almost the exact opposite of the 2000 general election, at least in Florida, where actual people weren’t allowed to vote or had their ballots tossed. That could be prescient as well since Disney World is in Florida and they have a vast amount of fictional characters. Florida could once again decide the outcome of the race.”

The reports did not go into detail as to how or what type of contact information ACORN was able to secure for the fictional characters, nor how they expected election centers to cope with the influx of phantom voters.

“If this is true we may be looking at the greatest fraud the American electoral process has ever endured.  We will have to see how the endgame plays out but this may be the first time in history that the amount of votes is actually greater than the number of residents in the country,” said U.S. election watcher Kevin Ham. “Another interesting thing will be seeing how exactly these fictional people will vote. Will the Mickey Mouse in Florida vote Republican and the one of California Democratic? Aside from being a massive fraud it could bring a whole new insight into the American cultural experience, for good or ill.”

With Florida once again likely the front and center for this election, both the Obama and McCain campaigns have been focusing a great deal their energies and resources on the panhandle state. Both sides have been actively courting fictional and non-fictional voters in an effort to secure the massive number of Electoral College votes the state holds.

“McCain has ordered his staffers to start wearing Mickey Mouse ears all across the state. The Obama campaign has focussed its energies on younger fictional characters such as Lilo and Stitch and ones from the Toy Story movies,” continued Ham. “Both sides want to ensure that no fictional characters are disenfranchised. There are concerns that the oversized hands of many of these characters will causes issues when it comes to actually casting a ballot and they are looking into possible quick solutions as the election is very soon.”

While the fictional character demographic is so far untapped segment of the U.S. population, some are seeing it as having a limited impact on the eventual outcome of the election.

“With the exception of Florida, the only other states with a significant population of fictional characters are New York and California and both of those states are dominantly Democratic,” continued Kinsey. “We will possibly see and massive shift in the popular vote, but the Electoral College will likely remain largely unaffected. As much of a swing state as Ohio is, the relative population is limited. One real benefit that this may bring about is the number of children that have been registered to vote. It’s nothing but a good thing to have children educated and involved in the process. They’ll have to get booster seats for the polling booth, but that’s a small price to pay.”

We placed calls to ACORN offices but our calls were answered by Oscar the Grouch who promptly hung up on us.

Edward Bastil, Political Correspondent

NEWS >POLITICS > ACORN ENCOURAGING NON EXISTENT REGISTRANTS TO ACTUALLY VOTE

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