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NEWS >POLITICS > BREAKING: JOHN MCCAIN TO QUIT CAMPAIGN TO FOCUS ON FAILING BANK ACCOUNT

BREAKING: JOHN MCCAIN TO QUIT CAMPAIGN TO FOCUS ON FAILING BANK ACCOUNT

October 4 2008

“I have made the decision to pull out of the presidential race to focus on personal matters. I apologize to the party, our supporters, and most importantly to the American people. I was my most sincere wish to serve you as your next President but economic conditions have put an incredible strain on my family and I must do what is best for them,” McCain said in a statement. “I will continue to serve the American people as a Senator for as long as I am able. I will turn over the run for President to Governor Sarah Palin who will make a superb Commander-in-Chief. We ask for privacy in this matter. Thank you.”

A spokesperson for the Republican campaign said that the changeover will happen immediately and that the Senator would be returning to one his remaining eleven houses to try and get his personal financial affairs in order. The spokesperson also stated that the pullout from Michigan earlier in the week was not related to today’s decision, but that the campaign would stay out of the decidedly blue state.

This of course leaves the relatively inexperienced Sarah Palin, fresh off her non disastrous debate earlier this week in the driver’s seat for the Presidency. No decision has been made as to a possible running mate, but the talk is that the campaign may be looking for a maverick game changer rather than an established person.

“What we are hearing is that they are going after a celebrity. They want someone who will make a stir and yet still be a maverick,” said Scrape TV political analyst Gabriel Kinsey. “Some of the names being bandied about are Scott Baio, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Kid Rock, Bruce Willis, and The Ultimate Warrior. The smart money right now is on Chuck Norris. Palin is apparently a big Delta Force fan.”

The move will of course energize the Democratic campaign who had already been gaining significant momentum over the last few weeks. We contacted representatives for Barack Obama and Joe Biden but our calls were not returned.

“Palin is going to have to choose a running mate very carefully, much more so than McCain did. After all by her own admission she is a Washington outsider who doesn’t really know much about anything so she’s going to have to choose somebody who will cause a stir. It worked temporarily for McCain so it should have a similar impact for her,” continued Kinsey. “She just needs to make sure she picks a maverick, whatever that means, just to keep to the line they have been spewing for the last few weeks. Personally I’d like to see her make a really radical choice. Don King maybe, or Alice Cooper.”

Edward Bastil, Political Correspondent

NEWS >POLITICS > BREAKING: JOHN MCCAIN TO QUIT CAMPAIGN TO FOCUS ON FAILING BANK ACCOUNT

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