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NEWS >POLITICS > CAROLINE KENNEDY TO SEEK SENATE SEAT AND BULLET PROOF HELMET

CAROLINE KENNEDY TO SEEK SENATE SEAT AND BULLET PROOF HELMET

December 22 2008

Washington, D.C. – Stepping into the formidable legacy that has been her family business, Caroline Kennedy has begun pursuit for the senate seat which will be abandoned when Hillary Clinton takes up her new position as Secretary of State under President Barack Obama. Kennedy will also attempt to thwart another part of her family legacy by wearing bullet proof clothing and avoiding public gatherings and private planes.

“I feel this commitment, and this is a time when nobody can afford to sit out. And I hope that I have something to offer,” said Kennedy. “I come at this as a mother, as a lawyer, as an author, as an education advocate, and, you know, from a family that has really spent generations in public service.”

The seat, which was once held by her uncle Robert Kennedy until his assassination in 1968, would mark Kennedy’s first foray into the political line of fire. Until the recent election the sole living offspring of John F. Kennedy has remained out of the family business, choosing to avoid the attacks, both verbal and bullet-like, that her relatives have had to face. Kennedy recently acted as an advisor to Barack Obama in his hunt for a vice-presidential running mate.

“It’s totally understandable that she has stayed out of politics for this long. She lost a father and an uncle and it’s perfectly reasonable for her to be a little hesitant to step into the realm that took both of them,” said Scrape TV political analyst Gabriel Kinsey. “That’s a perfectly human reaction, but it is a little late to be getting into the life. It’s a rough thing and even though her family has been deeply involved, she herself has not. Watching and living are two different things and she may be in for a rude awakening, especially such a significant position for such a demanding state. We will see.”

Though Kennedy has been mum on her sudden change of heart, insiders indicate that the move into this new realm is a culmination of a number of factors. The relative ease of minorities having success in politics—an issue the elder Kennedy’s both faced being Catholic—the advances in bullet proof and bullet resistant technology, and the presence of a much larger target in the White House.

“I think it’s unlikely that she will be riding around in a Pope mobile type of contraption, but a subtle Kevlar jacket would be feasible, maybe something a little tight around the waist. I’m not sure if those things come in different colours,” continued Kinsey. “The reality is though that despite her name, the main target is in the building just down the Potomac. While would be assassins would find a Kennedy a very appealing target, Obama would be a much more appetizing hit. The one advantage that having her in the senate would be that it may sort of split the vote, really there’s only one good assassination in a given period and her presence may give him a fighting chance. It’s likely she won’t have a major impact as just a senator but as a bulls eye she may be doing her country the best service she possibly could.”

So far Kennedy has made no proclamations of her positions or what she might do as a senator. Word is though she may be choosing a more demure hairstyle to reduce her profile.

“If we are talking about a long range hit it hair wouldn’t make much of a difference, but if we are talking about a crowd situation anything you can do to reduce your profile would be advantageous. Assassinations really have moved away from the dramatic sniper situation to the more close-up hit. Look at Benazir Bhutto or Yitzhak Rabin. Even Robert Kennedy was a close up shot. The movie style sniper hit has really fallen out of favour,” said Scrape TV Assassination analyst Gordon Shear. “It may do her good but we will see. The reality is one of them will be hit and it’s really just an issue of whether the assassin is going for Drama or Poetry. Obama is a big deal and would stir things up like crazy. Kennedy would be a kind of artistic statement. She’s really got minimal value unto herself but there is obviously a statement there, a sort of coda that would really be magical. Either way, if she ends up as a senator the secret service is going to be earning it’s money. She should also try to avoid private planes, they haven't been very lucky for the Kennedy clan either.”   

Edward Bastil, Political Correspondent

NEWS >POLITICS > CAROLINE KENNEDY TO SEEK SENATE SEAT AND BULLET PROOF HELMET

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