News Briefs
Politics
U.S.A.
Everyone Else
Health
Science
Business
Technology
Sports
Video Games
Entertainment
Future
Retractions
Humour
News Home
News Archive

 

 

 

 

 





 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


SCRAPE TV NEWS STAFF

Editor-in-Chief
Dave Dalkin
Business
William Ashford
Health
Lauren Hebert
U.S.A.
Mike Michaels
Everyone Else
Emil Uliya
Science
Anna Phillips
Sports
Alexi Orton
Videogames
Douglas Havermore
Politics
Edward Bastil
Entertainment
Samantha Dryden
Technology
Martin Philton


 

 


 

 

 

NEWS >POLITICS > GEORGE BUSH GIVES NEW DIRECTIVE TO FIND BIN LADEN: GOOGLE IT

geroge bush stunned

GEORGE BUSH GIVES NEW DIRECTIVE TO FIND BIN LADEN: GOOGLE IT

October 3 2008

Washington, D.C. – President George Bush has given a new directive to his military and intelligence leaders in their seemingly never ending effort to track down Osama Bin Laden. He has directed the CIA to enter into a comprehensive search of websites in an attempt to track down the Al Qaeda leader.

“I have directed our intelligence community to use the Google to help track down Bin Laden and other dangerous terrorist that seek to harm our country,” said Bush in a speech to reporters. “The internet is a resource that has been totally unused properly and gives us a great tool in helping to stop these people who would seek to harm our country. They will be using the Google to find Bin Laden and will make our country safe once again.”osama bin laden waving

Bush briefly outlined the plan for extensive web searching, including allocating new funds that will be used to purchase new computers and office equipment, as well as hiring and training new agents. Despite the current financial crisis, Bush stated that finding Bin Laden and the rest of Al Qaeda was still of fundamental importance and that the money diverted to the new initiative was well spent.

“These terrorist criminals will stop at nothing to hurt America and the American people. We have to do whatever we can to stop them from hurting us and our allies,” continued the President. When asked where the idea for the initiative came from and why such an effort had been implemented previously, Bush replied “One of my assistants gave me a copy of the Wired magazine and they had this article about the Google and it dawned on me that if they search for this many things, they could search for terrorists too. My advisors told me that they already had a similar program running which I didn’t know about. To be honest I don’t pay too much attention to those kinds of things. I’m a results kind of guy. I’m the resulter.”

There has been no official comment from anyone on the White House staff or in the intelligence community. Talk from insiders has been scoffing at best and belligerent at worst. Despite any objections though, the plan seems to be moving forward.

“He is the President. We’ve all been in situations where your boss asks you to do something stupid and you have no choice but to do it because he’s your boss and that seems to be the attitude here,” said Scrape TV political analyst Gabriel Kinsey. “If it were as easy as that to find Bin Laden then he would have been discovered by a fourteen year old by now. Who’s next? Jimmy Hoffa? The United States puts billions of dollars into intelligence. If they were to find Bin Laden by doing a search on Google it would mark the ultimate comment on government bureaucracy. It would of course be pretty funny and an interesting exclamation point on this Presidency, but a little sad at the same time.”george bush trying to open a door

President Bush also said that he had personally called Google founders Larry Page and Sergey Brin to ask for permission to use the service.

“I told him that it was free for everyone to use. He seemed very impressed by that and called me an American hero,” said Brin. “I just told him to make sure they don’t turn on ad blocking. He seemed a little confused by that but said he would pass it on.”

The new initiative is expected to start as soon possible as the President would like to capture Bin Laden before election day.

Edward Bastil, Political Correspondent

NEWS >POLITICS > GEORGE BUSH GIVES NEW DIRECTIVE TO FIND BIN LADEN: GOOGLE IT

SHARE THIS STORY!

LINK IT!

http://scrapetv.com/News/News%20Pages/Politics/pages/George-Bush-issues-new-directive-to-find-Bin-Laden-Google-it-Scrape-TV-The-World-on-your-side.html

TWEET IT!

http://tinyurl.com/d32rqm

BOOKMARK IT
!
Bookmark and Share