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NEWS >POLITICS > JOHN MCCAIN TO PLAY RUSSIAN ROULETTE IN FINAL DEBATE

JOHN MCCAIN TO PLAY RUSSIAN ROULETTE IN FINAL DEBATE

October 15 2008

Hempstead, NY – With the election looming ever closer and the gap in the polls growing ever larger, it would be fair to say that that John McCain, Sarah Palin, and the entire Republican Party are becoming desperate. With the chances at Presidency seeming to fade further and further with every passing day, John McCain is pulling one last trick out of his sleeve, or rather a pistol.

Echoing the famous scene from the classic Vietnam War movie ‘The Deer Hunter’, aides to Republican campaign have begun whispering about the possibility of McCain challenging Barack Obama to a game of Russian roulette at tonight’s debate.

“John is not at the point of desperation. He is a hero and heroes don’t get desperate. He is determined and he feels that this, if he does it, will show the American people what kind of men the two candidates are,” said our insider. “There is the unsettling prospect of one of these two men blowing their brains out on national TV, but from what I have heard John isn’t really considering that as a major issue. He feels that if it’s Obama that loses people won’t turn on him because they understand his roots in the Vietnam War. And if it goes the other way, well then it won’t matter. Either way, he sees it as a win-win.”

Whatever McCain sees as the possible outcome of such a contest, what is less certain is whether or not Obama will accept, which many see as unlikely.

“Obama has young children and a bright future ahead of him as a politician no matter the outcome of this particular election. He is a person who will have an impact on the U.S. political scene for years to come and I think it’s unlikely that he will risk blowing off his own head over an election it looks like he may already have won,” said Scrape TV political analyst Gabriel Kinsey. “Of course McCain has a family too, but he is in the golden years of his life and probably doesn’t have much left in respect to political life left.”

“It also seems an odd move for McCain because while they gained quite a bit of traction in the early days of the campaign when referencing his time in Vietnam, lately it hasn’t really come up so it seems odd that they would resurrect up that old tactic, especially in such a spectacular way. Someone should probably also remind him that that scene took place in a movie and an anti-war movie to boot. It may be that in his old age he’s kind of blurring the lines.”

There is also a suggestion that McCain may use the tactic at a later date, waiting to see what kind of response a standard debate will have on the polling numbers. To prepare for the possibility, sources have said that moderator Bob Schieffer has been brushing up on his Vietnamese.

“It’s been a campaign for the record books that’s for sure,” continued Kinsey. “And I don’t know of a time where a candidate for President has been felled by a bullet to the head. That kind of thing usually happens once they take office. At least this way the American people will know exactly what they are getting when they go to polls. There’s nothing like an assassin to put a crimp in your plans. If this does happen, well that’s just one more tick in a political race for the ages. Let’s just hope that it’s a clean shot. The American people don’t need to see one of these guys writhing around on the floor.”

When reached for comment, Sarah Palin claimed that she could see Russian roulette from her front porch. We weren’t sure what to make of the comment.

Edward Bastil, Political Correspondent

NEWS >POLITICS > JOHN MCCAIN TO PLAY RUSSIAN ROULETTE IN FINAL DEBATE

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