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NEWS >POLITICS > UNVEILED: SECRET WHITE HOUSE PLAN TO LOCK UP TELEVISIONS, COMPUTERS

back of the white house

UNVEILED: SECRET WHITE HOUSE PLAN TO LOCK UP TELEVISIONS, COMPUTERS

September 19 2008

Washington, D.C. – Sources from inside the White House have let slip a plan by the outgoing Bush ministration to lock up valuable government property when they leave in January. Televisions, computers, and other high end equipment is on the list of items to either be removed or secured before the turn over.

“The Bush team wasn’t very happy with the pranks pulled by Clinton and his cohorts when they took over,” said an insider who preferred to remain anonymous. “Bush wants to make sure that the same thing doesn’t happen this time no matter who comes into office. He also wants to ensure that all the expensive and delicate equipment is there and ready for the incoming government to use. It might be the first responsible thing Bush has done since being in office.”

red padlock on fenceWhen Bush took over the White House in 2001, reports were rampant that outgoing Clinton staffers had vandalised government equipment in an attempt at practical joking. The claims were refuted, but the possibility of rambunctious staff seems to concern Bush.

While some are suggesting that this is being done simply to prevent embarrassment for the outgoing President should any of his personnel decide to pull similar shenanigans, talk on the inner circles of the two campaigns paint a totally different picture.

“The Obama team sees this as a purely racial issue. Some of them are seeing it as a veiled swipe at Obama’s race,” said Scrape TV political analyst Gabriel Kinsey. “While the McCain campaign are seeing this as an attack on his age and perceived forgetfulness. Neither side is very happy about it, especially since they both had major redesign plans on the White House once they took office, figuratively and literally. From what I’ve been told Obama is being very firm about his displeasure; McCain is stomping his feet.”

The perceived attacks against race and age may amount to very little and would be impossible to prove, but the displeasure both candidates are showing in not being able to adjust the House according to their own likes and dislikes seems to be the major sticking point.computer thrown out of a window

“It’s unlikely that Bush and his people are even observant enough to notice that Barack Obama is black and that John McCain is old. Sometimes that foggy headedness works to your advantage,” continued Kinsey. “But whenever you take over for someone you want to put your own mark on things and this is going to make that a whole lot more difficult. Both sides have already hired interior decorators and picked out the equipment they want their staff to be using. Obama of course has MacBooks and Blackberries just waiting; McCain has globes and abacuses at the ready. Both of them have apparently been consulting with interior designers and I know that at least Obama has already picked out drapes for the Oval Office.”

“Neither side wants to be straddled with the cultural or philosophical debt of the Bush administration and this is going to make it a lot more difficult to shed that baggage. Of course with a sinking economy and wars going on all over the world it might be impossible to completely escape the shadow, at least in the short term. Both sides are hoping that that they are going to use simple Phillips head screws so they can be removed easily. Otherwise, it’s going to be a hell of a job getting this thing fixed.”

We tried contacting the White House for official comment; our calls were not returned.

Edward Bastil, Political Correspondent

NEWS >POLITICS > UNVEILED: SECRET WHITE HOUSE PLAN TO LOCK UP TELEVISIONS, COMPUTERS

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