ZOMBIE SATELLITE COMING FOR OUR BRAINS
May 10 2010
Paris, France – Space travel has always been fraught with danger. The first tragedy actually occurred on Earth when the crew of Apollo I were killed in a fire. Since then 22 people have died in space and a number of others in space related accidents, a total of
five percent of all the people who have ever left planet Earth. Soyuz 1 and 11, the shuttles Challenger and Columbia, and a number of near misses have reminded us that though our hearts reach for the stars, sometimes we need to wait until our heads catch up.
It’s likely that space travel will never be truly safe even if we are able to accomplish the fantasies of science fiction authors, but those dangers are simply challenges to overcome if we are to ever uncover the mysteries of the cosmos. Of course, space travel is relatively common nowadays, though not of the manned variety. Hundreds of telecommunication satellites are currently orbiting the planet, allowing us to listen to Howard Stern and text our friends, a far cry from the dreamers’ vision of space travel but essential nonetheless. However a new threat has suddenly appeared in the skies in the form of the Galaxy 15 which has now been declared a ‘Zombie’ satellite coming to presumably eat our brains.
“We have had a failure of the electronics on a Galaxy 15 and have been unable to communicate effectively with it meaning it is now out of control. We attempted on Monday to shut down the satellite but had no success. We are currently investigating other options for shutting it down,” said the satellite operator Intelsat in a statement. “We do not have an additional specific technical attempt identified at this time. But we will not give up, and expect to have other options to pursue at that time. We are now cooperating with other operators and customers to minimize potential service disruptions caused by interference.”
The satellite ceased responding to commands on April 5 and has since fallen out of its assigned orbit, setting it on a collision course for Earth.
“Technical failures do occur even at this level. Unfortunately there is very little that can be done if something catastrophic has occurred. If the satellite truly has become
zombified then we could be in for some serious trouble. Aside from the possibility of it crashing into other devices out there, it could survive the descent through the atmosphere and damn us all,” said Scrape TV Science analyst Dr. Howard Poe. “That would actually be very similar to the plot of the classic film ‘Night of the Living Dead’. In that case it was a comet passing through the atmosphere not a satellite but the end result was the same and the important part of this story. Basically the world was taken over zombies which then infected other people and thousands died. By the end of the movie everything seemed okay, but thousands likely died. Hopefully we will get off that easily.”
Experts believe that the satellite may orbit the planet for decades, but because the dead cannot die the zombie element may remain.
“One would hope that the severe heat of re-entry would burn any kind of toxins away rendering them sterile and preserving humanity but when you are talking about the future of the species you can’t afford to think in hopes and wishes, you need to take action,” continued Poe. “I don’t know what he answer is but we can’t have a zombie satellite circling our planet infecting our communications system and potentially damning all of us. We need to blow it out of the sky.”
The director of ‘Night of the Living Dead’ has a new movie due for release this month but this incident is not believed to be some kind of marketing ploy.
Anna Phillips, Science Correspondent