IUCN RELEASES LIST OF MOST ENDANGERED ANIMAL COOKBOOK

April 7 2009

Gland, Switzerland – The International Union for Conversation of Nature and Natural Resources (IUCN) has updated its list of the most endangered animals on the planet. The so called ‘Red List’ was last released in October of last year but was recently updated to show new trends and to attempt to provoke faster action on those threatened species. The extensive list changed tone this time around to include not only categories of endangerment, but also average percentage of meat from each species as well as related tastes and recommendations for seasoning.

The new version of the list also removed so called ‘Extinct in the Wild’ species dues to their physical protection in wildlife habitats and zoos. While there were no new additions, the new version does include information on location, migration patterns, and recommended calibre. The organization believes the new list will enable new levels of extinction and make way for new animals on the list.

“We feel that this revised version of the list will make it much easier to eliminate these animals from the wild. Many of these species have been dominating endangered species lists for decades and we feel it is time to move on and give other animals the opportunity to shine,” said a spokesperson for the organization. “Many may see this as in opposition to our stated purpose but it is exactly the opposite. We love animals so much we want to be able to showcase more of them. Most of these species will be able to live on in reserves and zoos so total extinction is unlikely. What we are looking to do is eliminate them from the wild and give other deserving species the spotlight for a while.”

Among those on the enhanced list are the Javan Rhinoceros (400 degrees for 40 minutes. Paprika and meat tenderizer), Arakan Forest Turtle (425 for 30 minutes, flip and cook for additional 30. Seafood seasoning), and the Brazilian Merganser (Pan fry high for twenty minutes per side, fresh black pepper and garlic). The organization is also looking at financing expeditions to the animal’s natural habitat to help eradicate the species.

“The difficulty in getting rid of these animals is that because of their low populations they are very spread out. It’s not exactly like shooting fish in a barrel, more like shooting them in an Olympic sized swimming pool,” said Scrape TV Zoology analyst Cambridge Walker. “The effort to eradicate them has been an ongoing one for decades. It is expensive, time consuming, and for the most part largely unproductive. It’s difficult to justify the expenditure in killing these animals for anything other than sport. Some of may very well be appetizing but we have plenty of
other species that are much more practical for consumption. From what I’ve heard most of these species taste like chicken anyway so it’s hardly worth the effort for most people.”

The organization hopes to put less endangered species on the list once the current ones are crossed off and is currently organizing expeditions to eliminate large numbers of animals to bring them to a level justifying the ‘endangered’ label. Among those being bandied about are the North American Grizzly Bear, the African Porcupine, and Siamese fighting fish.

“It makes sense to keep the list fresh and up to date. People can only care about things for so long before requiring a fresh perspective. These species have been on everyone’s lists for so long that they have almost become an abstraction rather than a real thing and that’s going to cause people to care a whole lot less,” continued Walker. “It’s a smart move adding animals that people are used to or have some kind of mindshare in the normal world. If cute animals or ones that people have actually heard of are on the list that will bring a whole new level of interest to the organizations as new levels of donations which of course organizations like the IUCN need in order to avoid extinction themselves.”

The IUCN list also recommends against microwaving any of the animals so as not to dry out the endangered meat.     

Anna Phillips, Science Correspondent  

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