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NEWS > SCIENCE > MARS ROVER PICTURES REVEAL ABANDONED HOME DEPOT EXPANSION PLANS

MARS ROVER PICTURES REVEAL ABANDONED HOME DEPOT EXPANSION PLANS

November 30 2008

Pasadena, CA – Recent Mars Rover pictures released by the Jet Propulsion laboratory have revealed a shocking and controversial item. The photo which was taken in 2004 but only released this week reveals a lone two by four resting on the barren Martian surface. The delay in the release is due to the mystery of the origins of the very foreign material.

“We wanted to ensure that we had done a very thorough investigation into the nature of the material and then of course we had to concern ourselves with how it got there,” said Walter Nutter, spokesperson for the JPL. “Once we resolved that mystery we felt it was incumbent upon us the release the photos for the world to see. We do realize that this reveal will bring up a host of other concerns which we feel is best suited to public debate.”

The investigation into the mysterious piece of wood has led back home improvement giant Home Depot and their aggressive expansion policy.

“What we uncovered after the investigation was that Home Depot had attempted to establish a presence on Mars during the late 1990’s but were forced to abandon the project,” continued Nutter. “We have clearly determined that this piece of wood was not left by an extra terrestrial entity, nor is it a part of any earthly conspiracy. It is simply failed corporate expansion.”

What has not been made clear is how Home Depot was able to get to the red planet without anyone finding out, nor what exactly their intentions once they got there would have been. The company did say that only one flight was sent to Mars and was destroyed upon impact. The fragments caught on camera are only a small part of the wreckage.

“We realized among other things that travel to Mars is extremely dangerous and expensive. Considering that there are no people living on the planet and therefore no customers the economics simply did not work out,” said a spokesperson for the company. “Add in staffing and stocking the store and the logistics are just not workable at this time. That’s a very long commute for a little above minimum wage. We plan to explore the option at some point in the future, but for now we plan on sticking to closer locations such as the moon and maybe Europe.”

Home Depot operates more than two thousand stores in the United States, Mexico, Canada, and China and is currently exploring movement into the United Kingdom.

Of course aside from the obvious logistical issues with establishing extra terrestrial retail, some critics are concerned with corporate giants making aggressive expansion plans into space and effectively claiming domain over the world outside our own.

“In the early days of space exploration it was agreed that no country would have domain over extra planetary spaces or bodies. While expansion will inevitably bring corporate interest, for a company to do this in the shadows is a blatant example of corporate malfeasance,” said Scrape TV business
analyst Ken Green. “As a public company, The Home Depot has a responsibility to its shareholders to be open about its business plans. As a member of the global community they have a responsibility to abide by the rules, both terrestrial and otherwise, that have been set down. Any company has an obligation to satisfy its bottom line, but they must do so ethically. I expect that there will be more than a few questions that executives will have to answer here.”

Home Depot had no further comment. Simply stating that planned to continued expansion both terrestrial and otherwise, well into the future.

"The Home Depot is dedicated to bringing to all our customers the best home improvement experience possible," said the company. "And we will cotinue that dedication no matter where those improvements need to be made."

Anna Phillips, Science Correspondent

NEWS > SCIENCE > MARS ROVER PICTURES REVEAL ABANDONED HOME DEPOT EXPANSION PLANS