NASA CLAIMS MARTIANS TOO SMART TO BE FOUND

June 6 2009

Washington, D.C. – As long as man has looked up into the heavens he has dreamed. Dreamed of life beyond the confines of Earth and of what may inhabit the skies. There are a handful of bodies that have drawn the imagination more than any others. The Sun has always been a source of awe and regarded as the source of life
by virtually every culture. The moon has become the quaint partner of the Earth, the tag-along cousin that seems so accessible. Mars on the other hand has always been seen as a source of menace and the best bet for alien life.

Named for the Roman God of war, the red planet has inspired more turmoil and excitement than any other in our solar system. Fantasies and tales of the planet have inspired awe, imagination, and occasionally outright panic. Whatever the planet has inspired in the minds of men the reality has been far less exciting with multiple missions to the planet turning up only rock and dust. Now though NASA may have a reason for the underwhelming discoveries of the mythic planet; that the Martians are just too smart to get caught in an intergalactic game of hide and seek.

“While it is true that we have not yet uncovered life on Mars yet, people need to remember that we are still severely limited by technology. We have made major leaps forward since the first Viking missions but we still aren’t where we need to be in order to really catch a look,” said a NASA spokesperson. “It takes a great deal of time to get to Mars and that means that inhabitants of the planet have plenty of time to hide from our
vessels. It is a sensible conclusion to draw that because we don’t see anything on the planet but we now believe that is an incorrect assumption. We believe that Martians are simply hiding from us, though for what reason we can only speculate.”

No missions to the planet have uncovered signs of technology or civilization outside an abandoned Home Depot expansion which is believed to have originated on Earth.

“The question here is whether we are dealing with an incredibly sophisticated civilization or a primitive culture that simply hides when they see these machines hurtling in from the sky. Because satellite pictures have never shown any signs of life it’s probably fair to assume that
they are somewhat advanced and can see the machine floating towards the planet. That would indicate significant intelligence,” said Scrape TV Science analyst Dr. Howard Poe. “How significant does remain a question. Do they live beneath the surface of the planet or have they developed some type of cloaking device that shields their civilization from outside observers? If they do live inside the planet they could be very similar to us, but obviously global cloaking technology is far beyond us indicating that they are much more advanced.”

It’s not clear what evidence NASA has for the existence of a hidden Martian civilization. Some have speculated that it is simply an attempt to drum up support for future
missions to the planet and spike interest in space exploration by playing on people’s imaginations.

“I think it’s very cynical to assume that a responsible government institution like NASA would engage in deliberate subterfuge. It is entirely possible of course but many people are inherently dubious of the honesty of the organization. Just look at the suspicion surrounding the moon landing,” continued Poe. “It’s more likely than not that some kind of life exists on Mars and we have to start looking at the bigger issues. Namely, why is it hiding from us? Have we committed some kind of offence? Are we in the midst of some kind of galactic quarantine? Perhaps technology like global cloaking is a measure of intelligence and until we meet it they simply want nothing to do with us. We may never know in our lifetimes but hopefully one day we will contact our Martian cousins.”

NASA was quick to point out that it is unlikely that any Martian life would be as aggressive as those depicted in Science Fiction, due in large part to extreme shyness.

Anna Phillips, Science Correspondent

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