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NEWS > SCIENCE > GLOBAL WARMING WILL NOT BRING THE DEAD BACK TO LIFE

GLOBAL WARMING WILL NOT BRING THE DEAD BACK TO LIFE

Feb 4 2008

Washington, D.C.- Global warming is a debate; a topic that has gained great attention over the last few years. Scientists argue over its effects, its causes, or even whether or not it exists at all.

The debate is not confined to the scientific realm though. Politicians and business have also been involved in the debate because if global warming is indeed a result of human action, correcting it could have a catastrophic effect on the global economy.

Evidence has suggested that the Earth is warming at an alarming rate; the degradation of the polar ice caps, erosion of coral reefs, and warmer and warmer winters. The conflict has rarely been that something is occurring, but rather what is causing the change. Is it human interference or is it a natural part of the planet’s life cycle?

One question that seems to have been definitively answered though has come through in a new report. There is no evidence to suggest that the warming of the planet will bring the dead to life.

Published in the most recent issue of Nature, the report shows that any rise in zombie activity is not caused by global warming.

 “We intensely studied the effects of warming on dead human tissue and found that it had no appreciable impact on cellular stimulation or replication,” said one of the authors of the study, Dr. Fleming Harford. “It’s therefore safe to assume that the warming of the planet will have no impact on the long dead or even recently deceased.”

The impacts of global warming, the study suggests, should remain focused on the living and not be so concerned with the deceased.

“This study was merely meant to show whether or not the rise in global temperature could cause a rise in zombies, but what we cannot gauge is the impact it might have on zombies should they rise because of other circumstances,” said co-author Franklin Giddle.

The report does not go into the effects of climate change on issues such as increased irritation as a result of the heat, the ability to move against citizens deeper into the winter, or the effects of heat on decay.

“Would we see fewer zombies in tropical areas because of the heat? Would people in the north be seeing zombies on their doorstep for Christmas? These are questions that we cannot answer because at the moments we do not have a workable model from which to draw conclusions,” continued Giddle.

This report comes as good news for some politicians though. Senator William Turnbile praised the study. “Global warming is a significant issue no matter which side you are on. It’s good to hear that there is at least one issue out of the way. The cost of fighting off a zombie epidemic would be enormous, from both a financial and social standpoint. To know that this is one issue we are going to be able to avoid gives me a great sense of relief.”

The report does have its critics though. Dr. Edward Feller, from the institute of Global Weather Studying, attacked the research. “It’s soft research at its best. It seems to suggest that simply because there hasn’t been a zombie outbreak, that there never will be. It is science working for the government. I’m not saying the study is wrong, I’m saying we don’t know. Science isn’t a field of assumption, it’s a field of facts and until every single fact is in, we can’t know.”

It seems the long debate over the effects of global warming is far from over.

Anna Phillips, Science Correspondent

NEWS > SCIENCE > GLOBAL WARMING WILL NOT BRING THE DEAD BACK TO LIFE