AIR LET OUT OF COWBOY’S SEASON AS ROOF CAVES IN ON ROOKIES

May 3 2009

Irving, TX – The Dallas Cowboys have long been America’s team. For thirty years that term, however accurate it may or may not be, has been almost exclusively identified with the team. It wasn’t until the 1990’s however that they really started to earn that title when they won three Super Bowl in four years and fielded one of the
greatest crops of superstar and hall of fame players in the history of the league. Of course, that was then, and in the 14 years since their last championship the last thing the ‘Boys’ have been is anyone’s team.

Hope is always eternal and concerted efforts by Jerry Jones to bring in high profile free agents to help complement young superstar QB Tony Romo have resulted in a lot of talk about the team, but very few wins. Now, with the collapse of their in-use training facility in Irving, the Cowboys seem to have had the air taken out of them in their ever eternal quest to prove to America that they really belong to them.

“Whether it’s signing flamboyant free agents or its Jerry Jones going on TV and
making a spectacle of himself, the Cowboys sure know how to keep their profile high no matter how much they deserve it. Normally when teams lose year after year they fall into the back of people’s minds, but the Cowboy’s remain popular no matter what,” said Scrape TV Sports analyst Mark Marvins. “It’s probably unlikely that the team deliberately caused the collapse of the practice bubble but like they have always done, they are probably going to exploit it in order to sell more t-shirts.”

Merchandising has long been the big money maker for individual teams and the teams with higher national popularity tend to generate higher revenue. The Cowboy’s are, according to Forbes magazine, the second most valuable sports franchise in the world.

“The Cowboys are the Nickelback of the sports world. You’d be hard pressed to actually meet and talk with a fan yet they are extraordinarily successful so they must have fans. There is no other team in the NFL that has more hate directed towards it than do the Cowboys, partly for stunts like this, yet they continue to make ridiculous amounts of money,” continued Marvins. “There are 31 other teams in the league but none of them have collapsing practice facilities. With all the money the Cowboys have one would think they could build a practice bubble that could withstand even a Texas storm. That is unless they didn’t want it to stand.”

At least 12 people have been injured in the collapse including special teams coach Joe DeCamillis who suffered a broken back. There were also a number of broken bones and at least one head injury though none are considered life threatening. Recorded winds in the area were reportedly just shy of a small tornado, a relatively common occurrence in the Irving area.

“The big question here is whether or not the new main stadium will be able to withstand wind gusts. A collapse of that stadium with 60,000 people in it would be devastating and a little beyond what one would consider reasonable for a publicity stunt, even for the Cowboys,” continued Marvins. “There’s little doubt that such an epic collapse and death toll would bring a lot of attention to the team but the intrinsic value of killing thousands of loyal fans is questionable at best. The team has been
breaking the hearts of fans for a long time now and breaking their bones would just be going a little too far. This isn’t Cleveland or Buffalo after all. The team would probably be better served to stop while they are ahead and focus on bettering the on field product rather than resorting to mass destruction and bodily harm to generate interest.”

It is expected that a number of lawsuits will be filed as a result of the collapse though the insurance premiums will likely cover those costs. It’s not immediately clear where the Cowboys will practice in the immediate future, nor if it’s even necessary.

Alexi Orton, Sports Correspondent

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