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NEWS > SPORTS > NHL TO ENFORCE NO SHIRT RULE FOR FEMALE FANS
NHL TO ENFORCE NO SHIRT RULE FOR FEMALE FANS
March 21 2009
Sunrise, FL – Hockey has really been an American sport. Since its aggressive expansion in the 1990’s the majority of NHL teams in the United States, particularly in the south, have struggled towards solvency. One of the most popular sports globally, the environment both physically and philosophically, has long been cold to the sport in towns like Nashville, Atlanta, and in Sunrise, just outside Fort Lauderdale. Through years of struggle and repeated failed attempts to integrate the game into the American consciousness it appears the NHL has stumbled upon a new tactic in the form of boobs. 
Streaking is nothing new to sport but incidents have generally been confined towarm weather sports. The sudden appearance of breasts at a Florida Panthers game has brought into focus a new opportunity for the NHL to draw those evasive American fans. Now the league is looking at expanding the appearance of breasts at NHL games by encouraging women to remove their shirts and even possibly making it a requirement for entry into the arena.
“The NHL has tried just about everything to make inroads into markets in the United States but they have more or less come up empty. The northern states are a different story and they have managed to maintain an audience in Los Angeles but in the smaller warmer markets attending a hockey game is a little above attending a little league baseball game,” said Scrape TV Sports analyst Mark Marvins. “One thing that always draws attention though is naked women and if the league can exploit this little gift they’ve been given then we may have a new found popularity and a renaissance for the oldest sports league in North America.”
The NHL was founded in 1917 and has enjoyed enormous popularity throughout the northern US and Canada. The league is the preeminent professional hockey league drawing players and fans from all over the world. Female breasts are the mammary glands possessed by most human females and are often seen as a source of sexual attraction for the male of the species. Males are the traditional target audience for the NHL.
“They of course would have to deal with practical issues revolving around topless women in hockey arenas, namely the temperature, but they may be onto something. No professional sport has ever made the perfectly sensible connection
between sports and boobs before and this could be a watershed moment for the league,” continued Marvins. “There of course is a serious risk of viewer indifference at least in the long term but in the interim people might actually become interested in the sport. A sort of boob blindness.”
Reportedly NHL officials are working with lawyers to try and ascertain how they could legally enforce toplessness as a requirement for admission though in the short term they may work to just encourage the behaviour with cheaper alcohol prices and efforts to destroy visitors self esteem.
“There is always going to be a set of women who simply will not want to take off their shirts for everyone to see and you risk losing those attendees but the gain from the prevalence of boobs will likely outweigh those absences,” continued Marvins. “The other potential hazards include distracting the players and of course women with old and saggy
boobs. The presence of that could actually hurt their efforts and they will have to work hard to ensure that only certain women will be allowed in the arenas. This isn’t Mardi Gras where primarily young women attend. Hockey draws people of all ages, especially in South Florida. They will have to set up a pretty rigorous screening procedure in order to make this work.”
The NHL is already taking steps to implement the new plan. A job posting on the NHL’s official website for ‘Breast Inspector’ reportedly received over Ten Thousand applicants before being closed.
“The NHL is really struggling in this economy and this might be exactly what they need to stay vital,” continued Marvins. “There are many things in the world that are recession proof and boobs are one of them.”
Major League Baseball is reportedly toying with the idea of a no pants rule.
Alexi Orton, Sports Correspondent
NEWS > SPORTS > NHL TO ENFORCE NO SHIRT RULE FOR FEMALE FANS
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