STEPHON MARBURY REVEALS NBA’S DIRTY VASELINE SECRET
July 29 2009
Hollywood, CA – The existence of greatness is something that has always baffled both science and philosophy. There are certain elements that have always been seen as a major factor in excellence. Hard work, discipline, and physical advantages are no doubt a major factor in separating the great from the good. Even that though has never explained the gap between the truly spectacular and the great. The X factor as it has been called is something that has always eluded diagnosis and because of that continues to separate the haves from the have-nots.
Now though one of those secrets has been revealed by two-time NBA All-Star Stephon Marbury who has begun documenting his off-season life on the webcasting service Justin.tv. Among other secrets the free agent revealed to the viewing public he showed one secret to staying healthy and strong; eating Vaseline. On the initial day of his broadcast Marbury posed with a jar of Vaseline and while explaining that it had helped to keep him healthy and in game shape proceeded to eat a finger-full of the lubricant, thus revealing one of the dirty secrets that has helped propel him to the top of NBA and may very well have played a part in the success of other players in the league.
“So look I got a sore throat right. So my man, my little brother Hassan he told me that his grandmother whose almost a hundred years old told him when you can’t get your voice back take some Vaseline and swallow it and it’ll help you,” said Marbury in the webcast. “We’re from the old school.”
Marbury also broke down crying listening to Kirk Franklin’s rendition of ‘Lean on Me’ and pranced around in white face while listening to Michael Jackson, neither of which are believed to help in playing basketball. The Vaseline though has come to be a sore spot for the NBA which has long prided itself as a drug-free league.
“I can’t comment specifically on the Marbury case but I can tell you that people around the office are not particularly happy. True he is currently out of the league and there’s a good chance that it will stay that way but the NBA is never happy when people go outside of the circle and reveal secrets like this. The NBA prides itself on being a tight knit community and that applies not only to current players but former ones as well,” said an insider who preferred to remain anonymous. “I mean everyone has known about the Vaseline issue for a lot of years but they’ve done their best to keep it quiet. It’s not so much that they are trying to keep the athletes safe from prosecution but they want the fans to believe they
are all natural and haven’t been enhanced by any products, whether petroleum based or not. They are not happy.”
Unilever, the manufacturer of Vaseline, has also expressed displeasure with the performance by Marbury. It’s believed that the company has been providing the jelly to players for years under an agreement with the league, something which may now be in doubt with Marbury’s performance.
“Look, Vaseline has all kinds of practical applications but everyone has assumed and has been told for years that it is not meant for consumption. People have just gone along with that but now the revelation that anyone can eat it and potentially become a world
class athlete the very careful mystique that the product has built up may be shattered forever,” said Scrape TV Business analyst Ken Green. “On the surface it may seem like a good thing. More people will be buying Vaseline than ever before but the brand will have been destroyed. This isn’t a flash-in-the-pan kind of product. It has been produced since 1870 and enjoyed steady sales ever since. There are very few brands around today that can boast that kind of longevity and success. Now for want of a little mainstream success that may history may be lost as people begin to consume Vaseline on mass scales.”
Vaseline inventor Robert Cheesebrough reportedly ate a teaspoonful of Vaseline daily and lived to be 101 years old. It is believed though that Marbury’s support will be more affecting than Cheesebrough’s due to a greater desire for NBA stardom than that for producing petroleum jelly.