NEWS > SPORTS > BRITISH CYCLIST WIGGINS MAKES HISTORY BY SPITTING IN FRENCH FACES WITH TOUR DE FRANCE WIN
BRITISH CYCLIST WIGGINS MAKES HISTORY BY SPITTING IN FRENCH FACES WITH TOUR DE FRANCE WIN
July 22 2012
Paris, France – There has never been a truly great relationship between the British and the French, to put it lightly. In truth the histories of the two nations are actually deeply connected and it is possible that without the other, neither would exists at all but that connection has not inspired a sense of friendship or camaraderie, strictly speaking.
In the modern world much of that acrimony takes the form of bickering and bitching rather than real hostility but the motivation and simmering dislike is still there. If attitudes were to shift it is possible, despite all the two nations would have to lose, that it could easily come to blows between them.
For now though the animosity is isolated to politically policy and tired and stale jokes about food and personal eccentricities. Well, at least for the most part. No doubt that the people of France are fuming with word that Brit Bradley Wiggins has won their most coveted sporting competition, the Tour de France. In fact a Brit also took second place with an Italian coming in third to ruin things just as Italians are wont to do. Now, with the victory very much in hand, Britain will have an entire year of telling the French just how much better they are.
“It's very surreal at the moment. This sort of thing happens to other people, you never imagine it happens to you,” said Wiggins. “It's incredible. I bet I'll look back in years to come and think 'God, that was special.’”
Wiggins also has some words in very broken French which were not particularly nice.
Second-place finisher Chris Froome reportedly couldn’t stop spitting all over the ground upon leaving the podium which, to be fair, the French didn’t really notice.
“This is certainly a great victory for these athletes and a great win for their entire nation, at least until it’s discovered that they used drugs which oddly seems to happen to almost every winner who doesn’t happen to be French. Funny how that happens but I’m sure it’s just coincidence,” said Scrape TV Sports analyst Mark Marvins. “When Wiggins is finally stripped of his win and embarrassed it will be a tough thing for him and for the nation but at least in this little moment in time he has a victory, a win for the ages and something to hold over the French for a little while at least.”
It’s not clear what kind of drugs Wiggins will eventually test positive for by French authorities.
“Winning this race is about as good as things can get for a rider. It’s the biggest challenge in the sport and winning it is a big, big deal until of course it is stripped away and they are embarrassed in front of the world. That always happens it seems so it’s a wonder that people even want to participate anymore,” continued Marvins. “I guess they just think they can get away with it. I think that’s probably the case for most criminals and cheaters. They think they are the ones who will sneak past, something I’m sure Wiggins is thinking right now. Well let him have his moment in the sun and show his superiority over the French because it won’t last long, that’s a given.”
Wiggins likely celebrated his win with drugs or booze or a jar of grease or whatever it is the British eat.
Alexi Orton, Sports Correspondent