IOC INVESTIGATION INTO UNDERAGE GYMNASTS SPARKS PEDOPHILE OUTRAGE
August 21 2008
Beijing, China – With the announcement by the International Olympic Committee that a formal investigation had begun into the actual age of gold medalist He Kexin, an international pedophile organization has issued a statement decrying the action.
The controversy over the Chinese gymnast and, in turn, the legitimacy of the team’s gold medal win has overshadowed what has been a very successful Olympic games for the Chinese government. One way or the other the investigation will solved the problem, but not for the pedophiles.
“Gymnastics in particular has always been great for us,” said the group’s leader ‘Basra’. As years have gone by they have increased and increased the age of the competitors, which of course is terrible for us. The hope that countries would try and sneak younger athletes into the games has always been a hope for us. Fourteen is still a little old for me, but you have to start somewhere. This is investigation does us no good, and only acts to alienate a huge segment of viewers.”
The organization asserts that their constituency makes up a significant portion of the audience and potential for the event, and any move to adjust the age of the competitors would only serve to drive those viewers away.
“If China gets caught doing this, then no other country will try it again, and that does nothing for our interests,” continued ‘Basra’. “It’s obvious that this is an attempt to exclude us, for what reason I can’t imagine. Who do you think is giving all those hits to Shawn Johnson’s website? Us, that’s who. If they continue this age assault they will lose all support for women’s gymnastics. No one wants to see women running around in leotards, trust me.”
While the organization has not stated any action they might be taking, the do admit to watching the outcome with great interest.
“This is very important to us, and I think to the long term health of gymnastics in general. You wouldn’t see the NBA banning players over a certain height. It’s ridiculous to think that they would make a concerted effort to remove the most important part of the sport. Our view is that age shouldn’t be an issue. That age is simply an arbitrary number and these rules shouldn’t affect our enjoyment of the sport.”
The IOC had no comment on the protest, nor on the status of the investigation.
Alexi Orton, Sports Correspondent
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