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SCRAPE TV NEWS STAFF
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Business
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U.S.A.
Mike Michaels
Everyone Else
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illegal army

ILLEGAL ARMY GAINING GROUND ON BORDER PATROL AGENTS

garlic bread

FIRE SALE ON ITALIAN DEBT FALLS FLAT DESPITE FREE GARLIC BREAD OFFER

pakistani soldiers

NATO TELLS PAKISTAN TO CHILL AFTER IT KILLS A WHOLE LOT OF THEIR SOLDIERS

vladimir putin walking on water

PUTIN HUMBLY ACCEPTS PRESIDENTIAL NOMINATION

iran missiles

IRAN READY TO HIT TURKEY, ISRAEL, AND ANYONE ELSE THEY WANT

egypt riots

EGYPTIANS GETTING SICK OF WAITING IN LINE TO VOTE

merkel sarkozy

FRANCE JUST LETTING GERMANY DO WHAT IT WANTS THROUGH EUROZONE CRISIS

missile launch

IRAN TO FIRE ALL THE MISSILES IN THE WORLD ON ISRAEL IF ATTACKED

anders behring breivik

NORWEGIAN MASS MURDERER LIKELY TO GO FREE AFTER BEING DECLARED INSANE

pakistan effigy obama

PAKISTAN STILL MAKING A BIG DEAL ABOUT ALL THOSE DEAD SOLDIERS

aisha gaddafi

GADDAFI’S DAUGHTER RALLIES FAMILY AND FRIENDS TO OVERTHROW NEW LIBYAN REGIME

bananas

MAN-EATING BANANAS CAUSE PANIC ACROSS MOZAMBIQUE

putin sly

POOR ELECTION RESULTS MAY PROMPT PUTIN TO DO AWAY WITH DEMOCRACY ENTIRELY

polar bears

CANADIANS WILLING TO JUST LET THE ENVIRONMENT ROT BY EXITING KYOTO PROTOCOL

whale

BRITAIN CRACKING DOWN ON ILLEGAL WHALE IMMIGRATION

chinese naval soldiers

CHINA GETTING NAVY READY FOR WAR

greek bank

ANXIOUS GREEKS WALKING OUT OF BANKS WITH POCKETS FULL OF CHANGE

mikhail gorbachev

MIKHAIL GORBACHEV FINALLY STARTING A COUP HE CAN CALL HIS OWN

sarkozy angry

SARKOZY WILL NOT GIVE EUROPE A SECOND CHANCE THIS TIME

david cameron uk pm

U.K. MAY WITHDRAW FROM EUROPE ENTIRELY AFTER REJECTING EU VOTE

robert mugabe

ROBERT MUGABE CALLS ELECTIONS TO HELP WEED OUT CORRUPTION IN COUNTRY