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FORECLOSURE WOES HIT CAVEMAN FAMILY
February 27 2009
St Louis, MS – For most family the latest stimulus package is coming too late. With foreclosures still rampant families who six months ago were looking ahead to their future are no scrambling to find places to live. Whether moving in with family members or eking out existences in tiny apartments, the American dream seems to be evaporating with every passing moment. Now those woes have hit even the least evolved Americans, forcing cave dwellers from their abodes and out into the light of the modern American nightmare.
One such family is the Sleeper family who are emerging from their stone dwelling to find an unkind and unsympathetic country. With few options left, the Sleepers have been forced to put their cave up for sale and look for habitation in the wide grass plains of the Missouri countryside.
“Right now, banks are not interested in anything odd,” said Curt Sleeper. “I’m not perfect but we had to make a decision for the good of our family. This has been our home and our love for many years but it is now time to move on and out.”
Sleeper, his wife Deborah, and their three children are already gearing up to move from the cave, collecting various sticks, twigs, and stone tools that they have collected over the years. Carrying those few items along with a keenly evolved sense of hearing and vision, the Sleepers hope to survive in the wider, more dangerous world that has taken so many of their ancestors.
“People are struggling all over the country. Our story isn’t unique, well aside from the fact that we live in a cave,” continued Sleeper. “Things are tough all over and even living in a hole in the ground doesn’t protect you from those hard times. If nothing else, hopefully we can make people realize that living in a cave isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. There’s a reason we stopped living in them I guess.”
Cro-Magnon man, alongside our Neanderthal cousins, was the last of the great apes to dwell in caves. Cro-Magnon and Neanderthals more or less ceased to exist approximately 10,000 years ago and with them the last of the cave dwellers. Many proto humans had begun to develop basic building and agricultural skills which allowed them to expand the scope of their territory, leading to the evolution of modern man.
“Early man used caves for habitation for a number of reasons. Tools were very basic and the fundamentals of construction had not yet developed. Also with an increase in population food stores started to diminish and Cro-Magnon was forced to move outwards to find food. In the process, especially as they moved into Europe, Asia, and the Americas, new skills like Agriculture started to develop,” said Scrape TV Archaeology analyst Meyer Hernandez. “Those early moves from the caves were the beginning of everything we have now. One advance
led to another and to another leading up to the modern day. Next to the extinction of the dinosaurs, early man stepping out from the caves was probably the single most important event to happen to life on this planet. It was a good thing, a very good thing. It’s about time people got with this epoch.”
The Sleepers are reportedly fully evolved.
While the Sleeper family’s cave is powered and has indoor plumbing, most experts recommend against living in caves. Caves generally have very damp conditions which aside from being cold, encourage the growth of mould which can be very hazardous to human health. Caves are also the favourite habitat for bats which can carry harmful diseases like rabies.
“Histoplasma capsulatum is a very common fungus that is quite often found in bat guano. Histoplasmosis can cause lung and organ failure and can even damage the retina. That’s just one of the many threats that can be contained in a cave environment. As always, the young and 
the elderly are particularly susceptible to infection, disease, and death,” said Scrape TV Medical analyst Dr. Phillip Waites. “Yes times are tough but there is no reason to put your health or the health of your family at risk by living in a cave. If you find yourself as one of those unlucky people without a place to live please look to government agencies for aid before staking out a hole in the ground in which to live. If for no other reason, it’s really hard to entertain guests in that environment. Caves have bad lighting, squishy floors, and really horrible parking, to say nothing of the very significant risk of disease.”
No word yet on where the Sleepers plan to live but they are reportedly eyeing a small grouping of trees just outside St Louis.
With additional reporting from ABC.
Mike Michaels, American Correspondent
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