
Los Angeles, CA – Like many Americans suffering through the ever worsening economy Nadya Suleman is facing foreclosure. Unlike pretty much every other American she is also facing the dilemma of finding a new home for herself and her fourteen children.
Suleman made headlines last month when she gave birth to octuplets, an extreme rarity in human beings. Now it has been revealed that the mega mother has not made her mortgage payments in ten months, deciding instead to unleash a new litter upon the world rather than taking care of the six children she already had. While some see this as just another tragic story in the ever worsening economy, others see it as a woman exploiting her uterus for the entire world to see.
“She could have taken the money she spent on having embryos implanted and continued to pay off her mortgage. It’s no coincidence that the length of her pregnancy and the length of time since her last payment are nearly identical. Most people saw this birth as either the actions of a severely disturbed mind or the actions of a manipulator using her reproductive abilities to avoid responsibility,” said Scrape TV Health analyst Rebecca Phelps. “Whatever the truth she has successfully accomplished both. Now of course the bank will not be able to foreclose on her house like they would any other person who decided not to pay. People have exploited their reproductive ability for financial gain before, but never in such an extreme or spectacular nature.”
The fate of Suleman and her massive brood has not yet been decided by her bank, Indymac Federal Bank of Pasadena, but most see it as unlikely that the family will be thrown out on the street.
“Her life is going to be difficult for the next few years. There’s likely going to be health issues amongst the octuplets and being charged with taking care of so many and by only one person is a daunting task. Parents of rational numbers of children struggle with parenting so her situation is going to be multiplied and that could have a detrimental long term effect on the children,” continued Phelps. “She has not received a whole lot of public sympathy like other multiple birth families and while that treatment towards her may be valid, it’s the children who will suffer. They already have a lot going against them with not only a single mother, but one who is obviously only slightly rational, and the last thing they need is to grow up on the streets of Los Angeles.”
Suleman has earned the nickname Octomom from press covering the births, though the reference is only a passing one. Actual octopi can lay up to 200,000 eggs though many of those never reach full maturity. It is not clear of Suleman is attempting to achieve similar numbers.
“Feodor Vassilyev, peasant in Russia during the 1700’s, holds the record for the most children ever born. She gave birth to 16 pairs of twins, 7 sets of triplets and 4 sets of quadruplets for a total of 69, 67 of whom survived through infancy. That may be a more realistic goal for Suleman to shoot for. 
Emulating an octopus is just not a good idea,” said fertility expert Mary Gibbons. “Besides the impracticality of housing and feeding 200,000 children as a single mother, generally octopi don’t live longer than a few months after giving birth. Plus they have to live in the ocean, though they don’t need to worry about mortgage payments, though apparently neither does Suleman. Still, emulating an octopus shouldn’t be anyone’s goal in life, not any sane person anyway.”
It is widely expected that the Suleman octuplets, like their six other siblings, will grow up poorly, have low paying jobs, and have extended stints on welfare, as well as multiple children of their own.
“Large families tend to beget large families. Poverty tends to beget poverty. When a child is raised poorly they will become poor adults nine times out of ten. Of course she’s got fourteen so maybe one and a half will make it out,” continued Gibbons. “That’s not really a justification for having so many children but there’s at least some hope they she hasn’t just spewed fourteen more generations of uteral exploitation on the world.”
Currently, Suleman is not pregnant though doctors recommend against fresh impregnation until at least three months after giving birth.
NEWS > U.S.A. > OCTOMOM REACHING TENTACLES OUT TOWARDS FORECLOSURE