ONLY FIFTY KILLED AFTER PLANE CRASHES IN BUFFALO

February 13 2009

Buffalo, NY – The crash of Continental flight 3407 has brought terror to the town of Clarence Center, New York a suburb of Buffalo. The small commuter plane was on landing approach from Newark to Buffalo when it crashed into a surrounding neighbourhood and crashed into a house, killing 1 on the ground and all 49 onboard. It is not immediately clear how many of the dead were from Buffalo or the surrounding area. It is also not clear how many of the victims would have been disturbed by the fact that they had died traveling to Buffalo.

“While normally the reaction to such an event would be shock and sympathy but it appears that the majority of those killed were from outside the Buffalo area and visiting for reason or another which makes the tragedy all the more profound,” said Scrape TV Disaster analyst Walter Lim. “If you’re from Buffalo and die there it isn’t so bad. You’ve had your entire life to come to terms with the reality of that situation. If you are just visiting you want to get in and get out but these unfortunate people will never get out, at least not in one piece. I can’t think of a worse way to die than doing it in Buffalo. Maybe slipping on discount hair gel in a Wal-Mart or choking on a Big Mac, maybe.”

Two people were able to escape the house before the inferno collapsed the structure.

“Really it’s a tragedy on all ends; those poor people whose live ended so ignominiously and the relative lack of death on the ground. For those outside Western New York the fact that so few people from Buffalo died is a massive disappointment, and the opportunity to put these people out of their misery was more or less lost, leaving them to fulfill full life terms in Buffalo,” continued Lim. “The only positive thing for the people of the region is the excitement of national attention. It’s been a long time since anyone anywhere else in the country has paid any kind of attention to Buffalo or that whole Western New York cabal of misery. Of course that will go away and the people, if you can call them that, will go back to their normal routine. If only it had been a bigger plane and maybe hit downtown Buffalo, then we would have ended a great deal of human suffering.”

Early reports indicate that the plane had experienced significant ice build-up on the wings, a particular hazard in the frigid Western New York region. Much of that evidence will of course be melted like the hopes and dreams of all those aboard in the massive fireball ignited by the crash.

“Buffalo is one of those cites that people have heard of for no particularly good reason. When you really get down to thinking about it you can’t come up with a good reason to know about the
city of all. Their greatest claim to fame is of course the Buffalo Bills, who lost the Superbowl four straight times and whose biggest star is one of the most famous murder suspects in history. The only thing good that comes out of that city is misery,” said Scrape TV American analyst Dave Davidson. “Really, if you were just to make the entire area another one of the great lakes not a whole lot of value would be lost. Of course Buffalo is just one of many miserable cities in the US but it is one of the few that has some kind of significant national and even international profile.”

Amongst those who perished in the crash was Beverly Eckert of Stamford Connecticut whose husband was killed in the 9/11 attacks in New York City. There is no evidence to suggest that this plane had been a victim of terrorism or that Eckhart had been targeted.

“It’s highly unlikely that terrorists would attack a target like Buffalo. Yes it would kill Americans, but it would be to their advantage in the long
term to allow Buffalo and similar kinds of cities to continue to exist,” continued Davidson. “Places like Buffalo, Utica, Memphis, Toledo, Flint, and ironically Newark are generally considered to be amongst the most depressed and troubled cities in the nation. It would only be to a terrorist’s advantage to leave those cities to rot and drain the good will of the entire country. Of course the leap from what they are now to total devastation isn’t that great and it might be difficult to even recognize the difference should it ever happen.”

Government officials were hoping for an increase in suicides following the plane crash but have so far not seen an increase.

Mike Michaels, American Correspondent 

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