Scrape TV Home Scrapeipedia The Town of LaRue Community Forum (new) Scrape Store (coming soon)

Scrape TV Humour

Scrape TV News

Scrape TV On the Air

NEWS > U.S.A. > AFTER TEXAS CHUPUCABRA SIGHTING, AMERICANS BRACING FOR MONSTER INVASION

AFTER TEXAS CHUPUCABRA SIGHTING, AMERICANS BRACING FOR MONSTER INVASION

August 12 2008

Washington, D.C. – With officials still trying to sort out details of the apparent Chupucabra sighting in Texas, as well as the mysterious appearance of the ‘Montauk Monster’ two weeks ago, the Department of Homeland Security is having to bring in new staff to deal with calls from terrified Americans.

“We haven’t seen a panic like this in a long time,” said a spokesperson for the department. “It’s not quite at the 9/11 level, but it is very significant. We are doing all we can to deal with the volume of calls we are receiving. We are trying to assure people to not blow things out of proportion, but also advising them to remain alert and aware, as always.”

While dealing with phone calls about monsters might seem a annoyance to an already overburdened government office like the DHS, officials assure us that they take all calls and reports seriously.

“We never know where the next attack might come from. We want the American people to be alert, aware, and ready to jump at every shadow they may come across. We are available twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. We want people to come to their own conclusions no matter how insignificant the evidence might seem at first, and call us right away. ”

Reports coming into the DHS aren’t limited to the Montauk or Texas incidents though. Officials told Scrape News that they have also been receiving calls about other supposedly mythical monsters such as the Jersey Devil and Bigfoot. Ten years ago these calls might have been dismissed as hoaxes or the rantings of delusional people, but in the post 9/11 world, any potential threat is being taken seriously by the government and public agencies.

“Everything should be considered a threat; the threats are all around us all the time, it’s just a matter of recognizing them and acting on them,” said Michael Chertoff, head of the DHS. “When 9/11 happened Americans realized for the first time that they were truly at risk. It’s fundamental that we respond to all risks aggressively so as to minimize the risk to innocent Americans.”

Chertoff noted that the apparent photographic evidence from Montauk and Texas were confirmation that something was definitely afoot. He stopped short of saying that the agency saw this as the first stage of a new terrorist attack. “We have to be open to all possibilities, but we are still in the early stages of this. I do however think it’s very unlikely that we would not have discovered these animals before now. We are also open to the possible Chinese connection.”

DHS officials quickly clarified the last comment, saying that dragon sightings had been on the rise and that the director was in no way insinuating that the Chinese government might be involved in any terrorist action against the United States.

“The President has been informed and he is deeply concerned,” officials said. “He recently saw the film ‘The Mothman Prophecies and was concerned that he saw one near the capital. We are currently investigating.”

Reports of a large snakelike creature have also been reported in the Potomac, as yet officials have no comment on the sighting.

Mike Michaels, American Correspondent 

NEWS > U.S.A. > AFTER TEXAS CHUPUCABRA SIGHTING, AMERICANS BRACING FOR MONSTER INVASION

UPDATE: Bigfoot body found in Georgia